


Dance.  Dance.  Dance.

by NERV



Series: It Never Goes Out [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, NicoMaki, Set loosely around the events of Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8781220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NERV/pseuds/NERV
Summary: Dancing isn't really Maki's thing, but now she's starting to fall behind the others.  Eli decides that a drastic change of pace is needed, and Nozomi knows that there's only one super idol up to the job of shaking Maki out of her past cynicism.  Unfortunately, neither of them can comprehend the Nishikino / Yazawa train wreck they've set in motion.





	1. No Rest For The Wicked

It had been a long summer, dragging into a Indian summer.  Maybe it was just her...  Or maybe it was the never-ending choreography sessions on the roof of the school.

 

The latter seemed the more likely, Maki thought.

 

The sharp rhythmic clapping of Eli's hand sent spikes of pain jutting up through the heels of Maki's feet.  That wouldn't be such a bad thing if the pain was _in time with the beat._   But no, Maki laboured forever half a second behind everyone else.  And for that she knew what would be heading her way next, it had a choreography all of its own.

 

"Okay, let's call it a day.  Five minutes warm down."

 

Maki braced herself upon hearing Eli.  She had hunkered down on the balls of her feet, breathing heavily and staring down at the concrete floor.  She heard the footsteps approach.

 

_The longer you keep her waiting, the worst it'll be._

Maki looked up to find Eli's cool blue eyes observing her carefully.  She tended to be more discreet nowadays.  It was pretty much a standing appointment after all.

 

"You feeling okay?"  Eli asked.

 

"Yeah...  Just tired."  Maki replied.

 

Tired seemed like an understatement.  Throughout practise Maki had been starting to feel the soft give of her mattress under her feet rather than the unforgiving concrete.  Lulls of an old jazz record caught her ear, a smooth bass groove taunted her.

 

"You were off the beat."  Eli cut in.

 

"I know.  The choreography for this song just throws me.  Just a few parts."

 

"You were off the beat all the way through."

 

"Look, I'll get it down.  Just like all the others."

 

_All of the others.  So many routines, so many steps._

 

"I think you need extra practise."

 

Normally Maki appreciated Eli's bluntness.  Today was a different story.  She couldn't keep the hurt from spilling across her face.

 

"I'm just having an off day."

 

For her part, Eli made the effort to look uncomfortable at the suggestion.  Like it wasn't something she hadn't been waiting to suggest for a while.

 

"Look, we both know I'm not a dancer but..."

 

Maki certainly knew this part of being idol was not her strong suit but she contributed a lot in song craft and vocal arrangements.

 

"Hey..."  Eli tried to console here but Maki wouldn't have it.

 

"...I'm getting there, I'm just...  It's just this one."

 

And she god-damn knew that she wasn't _that_ bad a dancer.  She wasn't as bad as...

 

Maki cast her gaze across the rooftop, feeling her stomach suddenly sink.  She met Eli's gaze again.

 

_Oh god._

 

She was holding the group back.  She was the problem.  She was in last place.

 

The sympathy in Eli's eyes was palpable.  That only made it worst.

 

As if to hammer the point home the last voice Maki ever wanted to hear these days buzzed against her ear.

 

"Jeez, Maki-chan.  You're really letting the team down." 

 

Maki swung around to face an all-too-familiar pair of mischievous crimson eyes.  Alarm bells were ringing...

 

Nico turned to Eli and motioned to Maki, " What is this?  Amateur hour?"

 

"Nico..."  Eli sighed.

 

Nico only smiled at the slight growl Maki was starting to emit.

 

The voice of reason in Maki begged for calm, for rational thought.  Nico _thrived_ on winding her up.  Therefore - resist.  But...

 

_Your honour has been insulted.  Finish her!_

 

Nico's sweet smile, those pearly whites peeking out between her lips, they only drove Maki onwards to a familiar destination these days.

 

_Finish her!_

"I'm terribly sorry.  I suppose I'm just not _compact_ enough for this dance."

 

_A height joke.  And not a good one.  Nice job._

 

Nico's smile only intensified (an impressive feat, Maki had to admit).  She was too worn out to think of anything snappier.

 

"Cut it out, both of you."  Eli looked between them.

 

Nico was not to distracted so easily.  "Awww, Maki-chan.  Nico thinks..."

 

_Just make her stop the old-fashioned way._

Perhaps sensing Maki blood lust, Nozomi suddenly wrapped her arms around Nico, pulling her back into an gregarious embrace. 

 

"Nicocchi, you're such a tease."

 

Maki had the smug satisfaction of watching Nico's facade break down as she squirmed and struggled like an embarrassed child trying to escape Nozomi's grasp. 

 

Eli was not to be deterred.

 

"Everyday lately.  _Everyday._ "

 

"What did I do?"  Maki struggled to keep the fury out of her voice.  Was it her fault Nico couldn't shut up?

 

"Aside from the chorography?"  Eli turned to her sharply

 

"You girls have got her riled up now."  Nozomi hummed.

 

"It's not Nico's fault..."

 

"Stop talking in third person!"  Maki practically screamed.

 

"You know what?  This is _your_ problem, so you can both handle it!"  Eli cast her wrathful gaze down on both of them in turn.

 

"What...  What do you mean?"  Maki asked cautiously.

 

"Maki, I really think you need to pick up the pace.  And it would be remiss of me, of all of us if we didn't help.  Nico, more than anyone, is worried.  She's graciously, _selflessly_ offered to coach you on the sets of choreography you've been struggling on."  Eli turned to Nico, wearing her anger as a very sharp smile.

 

"Eli!"

 

Nico's undignified cry was far removed from the internal scream that blocked all of Maki mental faculties at that moment.  She seemed to black out for a moment. When she came back to reality Nico was still struggling against Nozomi who, herself was almost overcome by laughter.

 

_Did she just make this up?_

 

Looking at Eli in desperation, Maki begged with her eyes for any sign that Eli was joking.  Instead she found frustration boiling over through the blonde's sharp tongue.

 

"Actually, you know, I think you both mentioned this.  Nozomi, remind me?"

 

"No..."  Maki could barely speak.

 

Eli was clearly starting to enjoy this and Nozomi was only going to oblige.

 

"I think you're misremembering, Elicchi.  Maybe it was Maki who asked you for help?  I _definitely_ remember Nicocchi telling me that she was the only idol for this job."

 

Nico seemed paralysed.  Her mouth opened but the retort was not forthcoming.

 

"I..."  She could only stare at Maki.

 

"No, you're right, Nozomi.  Maki asked me for help and then Nico said..."  Eli continued, taking her cue.

 

"She said she was going to help out Maki-chan!"  Honoka charged into the scene, grabbed Maki by the shoulders and began to shake her vigorously, as if to highlight how desperate a case she was.

 

_What?  She did?  Wait, is this still a joke?_

The way Eli eyed Honoka made Maki think that this was something else altogether...  Had Honoka somehow ('somehow', who are you kidding with this girl?) dreamed this conversation with Nico up herself.

 

"Err...  Yeah, that's right."  Eli agreed, trading a bewildered glance with Nozomi.

 

"Yesterday, you said 'Maki-chan could really learn a thing or two from Nico'."  Honoka re-affirmed, looking at Nico.

 

"From _super idol_ _Nico Nico-Ni_...  Wait.  No...  This is what you took from that!?"  Nico yelled, having slipped free from Nozomi's grasp.  The latter was doubled-over, her rich laughter ringing out over the rooftop.  Nico rounded on Honoka, murder in her eyes.

 

"Now now, Nico.  We all know you're the best idol for the job."  Eli stepped in.

 

"The _only_ idol..."  Nozomi added between laughs.

 

"We need a _professional_ like you."  Eli added with surprising sincerity.

 

_Goddamn you, Eli._

 

Nico hesitated for moment.  Maki groaned.  Eli had caught her, snagging Nico on her pride.

 

"Well... No.  I could.  Well...  It's not about whether I can't..."

 

She was trying.  Maki urged her on. 

 

_You can do this, Nico._

Unfortunately, Honoka had much the same idea.

 

"You _can_ do it, Nico!"

 

"It's for the group."  Eli added, quietly.

 

Nico froze, like a deer in headlights.  Maki wanted to scream.  Anything.

 

_Just say no._

 

But she couldn't.

 

Nico glanced at her.  Her eyes seemed unfocused for a moment and then her lips twitched.  A small smile, just for Maki.

 

"Yes...  I mean, yes.  Of course I can."

 

"Eli can't cut it this time.  We need you."  Nozomi urged.  Though it might have been a step too far judging by the blonde's frown.  However, for Nico it was the final push.

 

Super idol Nico Nico-Ni.  It all came out.  At the drop of a hat.  You had to be impressed.

 

"Silly Eli."  Nico wiggled a finger at her.

 

Eli's sour expression was at least something for Maki to savour...  Until Nico turned back to her.

 

"Maki needs the real deal..."

 

_Oh god.  She's going to strike the pose._

Nico did indeed strike the pose.

 

_She's going to say it._

"Nico Nico-Ni!"

 

If Honoka hadn't still been holding her up by the shoulders Maki would have sunk to the ground.  She could still hear Nozomi laughing.

 

_You're fucked._


	2. I Never Learn

 

Walk home.  Chores.  Cooking.  Food.  Fight off siblings.

 

Nico slammed her bedroom door shut and leaned back against it.  Silence (relatively speaking).

 

Now where to begin?  To fully understand the context of what had happened earlier you need to know a few things.  Occurrences out of the ordinary for Yazawa Nico and more pertinently, reasons why Maki was acting like a turbo tsundere. 

 

You needed to go back a few weeks.

 

 _Now_ , Nico's a girl of the moment but there's an exception to every rule and Nico's a superstar and superstars make their own rules.  Therefore, logically, she could also decide when and what the exception to those rules were and blah blah blah (don't worry about the fine print), it was totally fine to remember this once.  Nico said so and she knew more than most.

 

And...

 

Well...

 

So Nico knew, even if they wouldn't admit it, the rest of the girls all looked up to Nico (yeah, yeah - figuratively).  She was like...  A fairy Godmother didn't seem quite right, but in all matters of the idol skill set that's about right.  So one day Umi asked Nico to pass some lyrics onto Maki at lunchtime but what she _really_ wanted was Nico to check them over, give her seal of approval _and then_ pass them onto Maki to fit to music.

 

No problem, Umi.  Nico's got you covered.

 

Okay, so on occasion Nico would spend her breaks in the music room, re-writing a lyric here or there and checking Maki was meeting the high musical standards that Nico so staunchly upheld.  And you know, it got to be a pretty regular thing.  It was nice.  No, Nico should be honest here, it wasn't anything so vague as nice.  It was...

 

Well, that doesn't matter for the moment.  Because on this particular day (the day Umi asked her to re-write the lyrics) something happened.  Something...  Nico could blush just remembering but she was far too lady-like and mature to let something like this get to her.

 

Nico was reclining on the windowsill when she noticed that Maki had been playing through the same piece of music for a while now.

 

Over-and-over.

 

Nico hadn't heard her play it before.  The notes seemed to drift around her, it was as if she were peering through a haze.  Somebody was there but she couldn't make them out (it's Maki, duh!).  She tried to reach out but every time she came close there was... 

 

A key.  A piano key in the wrong place that shattered the illusion.  One wrong note. 

 

Nico listened for it but it crept up upon her, never ready for it, never sure where it was. 

 

She had quietly stepped up behind Maki.  She watched her fingers dance over the piano keys but watching from here didn't help.  She perched down on the edge of the bench, next to Maki, who stopped playing suddenly. 

 

Nico knew Maki was watching her out of the corner of her eye.  She seemed...  Nervous?  It was as though Nico had cornered her, by surprise, on the piano bench.

 

_Prey._

The thought came unbidden.  Something about Maki's posture, the way she sat at the piano, like she was wary of the instrument.  Like it had said too much.

 

"Carry on.  There's something wrong.  I'm going to find it."

 

Maki started playing again without comment.  Nico was surprised.  Maki didn't usually take criticism very well, especially when so vague. 

 

_Can she hear it to?_

 

Nico was closer this time.  She could hear it with a little more clarity.  She could see flashes of it between Maki's swift fingers.  Nico found herself thinking that the skin tone of Maki's hand was a perfect compliment to the stark black and white keys.

 

_Like Ivory._

Where was it?  Where was that note?

 

Maki had stopped playing again.  She had half-turned to Nico, watching her from the tops of her eyes.  Nico looked up.  Without realizing she had shifted towards Maki gradually.  Their thighs almost touched.

 

_What do you want?_

They stayed like that for...  It wasn't a matter of time but the growing sense that Nico should do something.  That something was _required_ of her.

 

It ended at the bell.  Nico remembered feeling like she had just woken up.  Something half-remembered and jagged stuck in her head.

 

And that was that. 

 

What can you do? 

 

They hadn't mentioned it and if Nico was being honest (and she was already being pretty sincere with this whole flashback deal) she _didn't know_ what the hell to say...  Or do.  Or anything about what had transpired.

 

But that didn't mean it was the last time.  Over the following days, through some contrived reasoning they always ended up in the same place (Nico refused to believe that Maki was _always_ playing piano, she was just as guilty).  The same thing always happened to some extent...

 

But you don't get to be a super idol without taking at least a few chances and Nico was all about super idol-showing potential. 

 

At some point, in the silence afterwards, Nico took Maki's hand between her own. 

 

The contact, the touch...  It felt a little thrilling.  But Maki was still there, like a statue of stone, like she was waiting for Nico to do something else.  So in the name of taking risks Nico did do something else.  She raised her hand and touched Maki's face, just a gentle caress of the cheek but her fingertips lingered.  The redhead seemed to react slowly, she tilted towards Nico but still wouldn't meet her gaze.  Nico could feel her breath.  Something subtle in the scent...

 

_Peppermint._

Not sweet, very Maki.  It made Nico bolder, she ran her fingertips against Maki's skin again.  Nico could feel Maki push herself against Nico's hand ever so slightly.  She sighed and the sound alerted Nico.

 

_I don't want her to feel sad._

It was stupid, silly and child-like.  But it was the only way Nico could articulate it.

 

Maki stood up abruptly.  She walked out of the room without a word or backwards glance.

 

And that really was it.  Rather than finding each other by 'coincidence' they seemed to find a reason to avoid each other.  Nico knew it as much as she wouldn't admit it to herself.  It was just Maki. 

 

But it wasn't just Maki.  She felt the divide...  And the bitterness that started to spill out of it.

 

While Nico Nico-Ni was a practitioner of the present Nico herself felt left behind.  As though part of her hadn't left that music room.  She was loath to admit it but this was something she couldn't brush off.  Forget about this one-time flashback charade.  She couldn't _stop_ remembering.

 

As Nico sat back against the wall on her bed she caught sight of her reflection on the open window.  It was scant consolation to know she really had this reflective dreamy look down (Seriously, it could have been a frame from an art-house film).

 

Turning her thoughts to the events of earlier today she felt her mind dive while her heart soared.  There were no excuses now.  All thanks to her old pal, Eli.

 

Nico felt something heavy whenever she thought back to those moments alone with Maki.  It was a weight descended on her heart.  A responsibility she couldn't quite fathom yet.

 

But if Nico could guess, a responsibility like this probably wasn't something a super idol took lightly.


	3. This Trumpet In My Head

The bathroom was empty, quiet and still.  After school. 

 

Maki stared at her reflection blankly in the wall-mounted mirror above the row of sinks.  Her blank expression revealed little of her inner turmoil.  Only her red-rimmed eyes spoke of the sleepless night and restless day leading up to this crossroad. 

 

She was trapped in the school bathroom.  She couldn't be out in the open, couldn't be seen.  The corridors had doorways to classroom, numerous ambush sites.  Here there was only one way in or out. 

 

Things were looking bleak.  The enemy held all the cards and she _knew_ Maki (that was grudgingly admitted).  It was only a matter of time.  Maki needed to focus. 

 

It was life or death.  Do or die.

 

Maki considered the immediate source of her anguish.  She couldn't help but watch as her reflection bared its teeth.

 

Sneaky-sneak super fucking idol Nico Nico-Ni was a crafty eighteen year-old in the body of a twelve year-old.

Maki had planned to practise on her own and just tell Eli that the sessions with Nico were the bomb.  A literal bomb going off and killing them both was an attractive option to Maki now.

 

Maki had assumed this would work because for reasons she was unavailable to comment on, she believed that Nico, after having saved face in front of the others, would _not_ follow through with even an attempt to arrange any extra practise.

 

What Nico had _actually_ done was to draw up an extremely detailed schedule (Maki had yet to witness this masterpiece of Coach Yazawa artistry but had heard all about it) for training her new protégée. 

 

Now this could have been an Maki-approved deception to fool the others BUT Nico, according a very impressed Eli whom she had encountered earlier, was planning to keep them up-to-date with daily, no probably minute-by-minute plays on Maki's progress.  In fact, the girls were 'welcome to stop by anytime'.  After all, they had the schedule, the times, the locations and of course, the nerve to suggest this whole escapade in the first place.

 

_Think of Thelonious Monk.  Think of Chopin.  Anything but this._

Maki was too discordant.  The music that gave her comfort had filtered quietly out of her mind, far out of her grasp, replaced by silence.  Silence?  Wait...  No...

 

Maki flinched as she felt a hand suddenly clamp down on her shoulder.

 

_No.  Please.  No._

 

How?  She hadn't heard the door?  How!?

 

_Distracted.  By the source of your contempt._

 

The irony.

 

"MAKI-CHANNNNNN!"

 

That voice was the personification of Maki's mental discord.  Seemingly the source of all her problems.

 

"Did you think I wouldn't find you?"

 

_She had just hoped.  Such vain hope._

This was a war.  Maki knew she had just lost the first battle.

 

********************

 

 

"Dance!"  Nico proclaimed, striking a pose.

 

Maki was decidedly _not_ looking at Nico.  She twirled a lock of hair back and forth.

 

"Are you suggesting we do that or are you just discovering the verb?" Maki asked dryly.

 

But Nico was not to be deterred.  Maki couldn't help but notice that her smile was bumped up a few 1000 watts from normal.  It was dazzling...  And a little bit fierce.  It gave her a sense of unease (to clarify - _another_ sense of unease).

 

Nico began to pace back and forth, her eyes never leaving Maki.  "What _is_ dance?"

 

"No."  Maki replied immediately.  "We're not doing this.  We're just going to practise the routine."

 

"Has the student become the teacher?  No.  As for the routine?  What's _the_ routine?"  Nico was incredulous (or rather, she was 'ACTING' incredulously).

 

Maki groaned.  Nico stopped before Maki and pointed at her (really _pointed_ ).

 

"The routine is your whole life!  You need..."  Nico hesitated.

 

"A better routine?"  Maki suggested.

 

"A better rou...  Freedom!  You need to be free."  Nico re-affirmed. 

 

"Free from you?"

 

"Free to dance!"

 

Maki rubbed the palm of her hand across her face and sighed loudly.

 

_This conversation will be my epitaph._

Nico carried on, defiant to the end.

 

"If you're not free to express yourself, how can you dance with any conviction?"

 

Maki looked up at Nico suddenly.

 

_What?  I mean...  I guess._

Nico took Maki's hesitation and rolled with it.  She stepped right up to the redhead, eyes blazing.

 

"If you want to pass this class, if you want to _really dance_ , you have to beat me."

 

"What?  How?"  Maki was a little flustered by the sudden closeness.  She could almost see her own reflection in Nico's eyes.

 

"In a contest judged by Eli.  One set of choreography each, decided by her.  Winner takes all.  As for how..."

 

Nico stepped back and gave Maki what was undoubtedly the most condescending and pitying frown she had ever witnessed.  If it hadn't made her blood boil to such a degree she would have had to admire Nico's commitment to this piece.

 

"You're right to ask...  But I don't know how you can beat Nico-"

 

_Don't bite._

"-Nico-"

 

_Don't!_

"-Ni!"

 

_Fuck._

Maki glared at her.  At her stupid fucking pose.  At her stupid fucking face.  At her stupid...

 

"You're on."  Maki spat out each word.

 

She turned away and fell into a lunge, planting her hands against the wall and stretching her calves.  She pushed as hard as she could against the wall, the brickwork biting into her palms.

 

_Another win for team rational thought._

 

********************

 

 

Maki was on her knees, chest heaving as her lungs desperately sucked in oxygen.

 

"Jeez, have you really been training with us, Maki-chan?  As Nico's biggest fan I thought you'd be a little more motivated to have some one-on-one time."

 

Maki was too tired.  She had nothing left to offer (she couldn't help but note that it was becoming a common occurrence by this point).  By the way Nico was chuckling to herself she knew it wasn't over.

 

"I guess I didn't notice you, trailing behind everyone else.  _Slacking._ "

 

Maki was not tired enough to ignore _that_.  She pushed herself to her feet, eyeing Nico with undisguised malice.  It didn't help that compared Maki's exposed exhaustion, Nico looked like she had just finished a light jog through the park.

 

While Maki tried to focus on a retort Nico walked past her, towards the edge of the roof.  The night had quickly enveloped the evening.  Maki hadn't noticed and it was quite alarming how she had lost track of time.  How long had they been at it?

"We've got a _lot_ of work to do, Maki-chan."  Nico said without turning back.

 

"Pray to tell... Coach."  Maki said between gasping for breath.

 

"Well, I'm concerned about your centre of gravity.  You've got into the habit of puffing out your chest a lot..."  Nico paused for a moment, blushing slightly.  "We need to work on lowering it slightly so you're more stable.  Apart from that I think you're too flat-footed.  That's the more immediate problem, so we're going to focus on that first."

 

It was moments like this where Maki scolded herself for underestimating Nico.  She could forget, and Nico could be deceptive about how precise she could be when she wanted to.  She had worked Maki hard but she had been observing her closely, identified the source of the problem and was deciding on a course of action.  It was...  It was what Maki would have done.  It was clinical.

 

She only nodded when Nico looked back at her.  The sarcasm she had casually tossed out all evening seemed to have withered away.  Nico was putting the time in to help Maki.  She couldn't get the thought out of her head.

 

_That's the whole problem.  She's really trying._

 

Maki felt a wave of nausea wash over her but somewhere deep down inside it was worst.  It was an ache.

 

"I'm going to head home."  Maki grabbed her bag and headed towards the door.

 

"I'll walk with you."  Nico offered.

 

Maki paused and then waved her away.

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

_You should take your own advice._

 

She left.  Nico was alone.


	4. Youth Knows No Pain

It hurt a little.  More than a little. 

 

But what had she expected?  It was just the first session.  Had she really expected everything to be just like it used to?

 

There were moments when it had felt easy to be around Maki again.  Moments where she had teased Maki, when they had both smiled at the banter.  Exchanges that weren't born of anger or manipulation.  Like a breath of fresh air.  No tension.

 

Nico felt like she was frowning.  She didn't want to see her reflection, _she knew._   She could feel her emotions slapped over her face, like an ugly mark she couldn't hide or wash off.

 

She walked home slowly, feeling about as alone as she ever had.

 

When she got in (later than she should have) her mother was waiting for her.  She must have been right about that expression.  When her mother rose from her seat, her eyes spoke of first of a warning and then, after looking at her daughter, concern for whatever had happened.

 

Nico didn't have anything to say.  She went to her room, dropped down onto her bed and fell asleep to dreams that sounded like keys from a familiar piano.

 

********************

 

Nico still looked the same way the following afternoon.  She could feel it over her face, a mask turning everyone away from her.  It had settled into her skin a little too finely and she couldn't find the edges to lift it clear.

 

She was sat at table in the corner of the school library, trying to read a French novella but the translation seemed flat, she felt like she reading the same page over and over.  Maybe she was.  Despite how thin the book was she hadn't gotten anywhere.

 

She was meant to be studying this period but that seemed like a hopeless endeavour in her current mood.

 

She glanced up as Nozomi pulled a chair out, dropped a few textbooks down on the table and then took a seat across from her.

 

"Nicocchi, what tragedy has befallen you to inspire such a sour face?"  She eyed Nico curiously.

 

There didn't feel like much point talking about it.  Nico waved her away.

 

"Let me unburden you."  Nozomi offered.

 

"You can't."  Nico replied. 

 

"You'll feel better."  Nozomi promised.

 

"I doubt it."

 

"Help me to help you."

 

"Nozommmmiiiiii..."  Nico whined.  It was futile and she knew it.  Nozomi was a relentless emotional distress seeking missile. 

 

Nozomi drew a tarot card, seemingly from out of thin air.  She glanced between it and Nico, her eyes seeking out the details to make the connection.

 

_Here we go._

 

Nico sighed and put the book down. 

 

"What?  What is it?"  Nico asked.

 

"I don't know yet, you tell me."  Nozomi's teased lightly.

 

Nico reached out to snatch the card but Nozomi flicked it back into the palm of her hand.  Nico glared at her.

 

"What's wrong, Nicocchi?"  Nozomi asked again, as if for the first time.

 

Nico looked away, suddenly finding her friend's open stare a little more than she could bare.  Her hands were clamped onto the edge of the table.  She had felt clumsy all day and it seemed better to hold onto something solid.

 

"I'm just...  Having a bad day."

 

Nico wasn't convincing herself, much less Nozomi, who remained silent.

 

Nico tried again.  "I'm...  Errr... Well..."  Nico stopped trying.

 

_This is going well._

 

Nozomi tapped the corner of the card against the table.  She was holding it sideways and Nico could half make out the arcana graphic on one side.  It looked like someone hanging upside-down.

 

"Don't force it, Nicocchi."  Nozomi said at last, smiling at her. 

 

Nico could feel her frustration begin to boil to surface.  "Then why did you ask what was wrong?"

 

"You don't have to tell me.  I just had a feeling you wanted to talk to someone."

 

"Really?  I came to read a book in the corner of the library alone and you think that's me looking for someone to talk to?"  Nico leaned back in her chair.

 

"You're talking to me."  Nozomi pointed out.

 

No one could be this annoying without trying.  Nico wondered if she was talking to the one person who could maybe (only on her best day) out-Yazawa Nico Yazawa.  It was a frightening thought.

 

"I could leave..."  Nozomi left it trailing.  In fact, it was left hanging over the table for sometime as Nico smiled faux-politely, gesturing for her to do exactly that.

 

"I only want to see my sweet Nicocchi smile again."  Nozomi added after a few moments, acting oblivious to the mood.

 

Nico sighed and rubbed her eyes.  She looked up at Nozomi, who only glanced back at her with a pleasant smile, her hands placed flat atop the table, the card gone.

 

_Okay...  What have you got to lose?  Let's get to it._

 

"Are going out with Eli?"  Nico asked suddenly.

 

"My, from fumbling words to such piercing questions.  You're in an odd mood today."

 

"Are you?"  Nico persisted.

 

Nozomi tilted her head as she gazed at Nico, as if looking for another side to her.  A motive.  "Would it affect you if I was?"

 

Nico hesitated.  She knew she would have to give something away if she wanted to continue on this topic.

 

"I've been thinking about something..."  Nico nearly said _someone_.

 

"Go on."  Nozomi pushed lightly.

 

Nico looked down at her hands again.  Her fingers were shaking slightly, her grip loosening on the table.

 

_I wish she could really see what she does to me._

Nico brushed that thought away.  She needed to focus.

 

"Do you think that...  If you care...  No, if you...  Adore someone then you should both know.  That it should be obvious to both of you, I mean."

 

Nozomi leaned back in her chair for a moment, considering the question.

 

"So, what you're asking me is that if I was hypothetically was in love with Eli, does she already know if she feels the same?  Are we already connected?"  Nozomi replied with a remarkably straight-face.

 

_'Hypothetically', Jesus Christ._

 

"I don't know.  But maybe.  Have you ever felt so sure about something that you think...  No, you know that the other person _has_ to feel the same.  They can't not feel that way, it wouldn't be _right_.  Or is there a bigger attraction, like..."

 

Nico trailed.  She spied someone across the library.  It was Rin.

 

_Shouldn't the first-years be in class?_

Nozomi mistook Nico's pause for something else and pressed on.

 

"You know that I'm a fatalist, right?"

 

Nico nodded absentmindedly.  She was watching Rin, who was darting between shelves, seemingly trying to avoid being spotted by the two student librarians who were rushing back-and-forth stacking shelves.

 

"But I have an exception; I'm not so sure it applies to terms of intimacy like that.  It's too complex.  Like how you can grow to love someone, for example."

 

Rin had spotted them.  She was cautiously making her way over to them.  She gave Nico a slight wave but Nozomi's back was to her, she hadn't noticed her yet.

 

"What?"  Nico asked, suddenly coming back to the conversation.  "I mean, what...  What do you mean?"

 

_Smooth._

 

"I think the moments you create change things, they're deeply set between both of you.  How they feel in the beginning and how it can change.  It's okay if it's unrequited at first.  You have faith that the person you love will really see you eventually..."

 

"Is Nozomi in love, nya!?"  Rin practically jumped on top of Nozomi, pulling her into a rabid hug of flailing limbs.

 

Nico chuckled for what felt like the first time in a long time as she watched Nozomi try to calmly untangle herself from Rin.

 

"With you, Rin.  She's been keeping it a secret all this time."  Nico smiled.  Rin froze for a moment, eyes wide as saucers.

 

"That's rude, Nicocchi.  Even for you."  Nozomi shook her head.

 

"What have I walked in on, I wonder?"  Rin pulled out a chair and sat down. 

 

"What are you doing here?"  Nico asked.

 

Rin cast her eyes downward, blushing slightly.  "I got lost.  And then...  I got even more lost and then I nearly got caught.  And I wouldn't have been able to explain and then I tried to hide here..."  Rin had started to act out her escapades in exaggerated motions.

 

"Okay, okay."  Nico interrupted.  "Just keep it down and you'll be fine.  You can stay here with us."

 

At this, Rin relaxed slightly.  She smiled brightly at her two seniors.

 

"Thank-you, nya!"

 

"Nozomi was telling me a love story about someone _who totally isn't her._   Carry on.  I was enthralled."  Nico taunted.

 

Rin's earlier curiosity returned, her gaze alternated rapidly between Nico and Nozomi as she buzzed in her chair like a ball of kinetic energy.

 

A slight blush had crept onto Nozomi's cheeks.  She took a moment to compose herself and turned to Rin.

 

"Nicocchi is having _girlfriend_ problems."

 

"Hypothetically."  Nico shot back.

 

Rin turned to Nico.  Her face, never a mask over her emotions to be sure, radiated with a sudden shift to caution.

 

"...With...  Maki..?"

 

_Even she knows.  EVEN SHE KNOWS._

Nico closed her eyes and planted her head down against the table.  She could hear Nozomi try not to laugh in a not-so-subtle-I-want-you-to-know-this-is-hilarious way.

 

_You win this round, asshole._

Nico looked back up.

 

_What does it even matter anymore!?_

 

"Yes.  With Maki."  Nico tried not to scowl at Rin.  She half-succeeded.  "I have a whole new appreciation for your tactfulness."  Nico added, glancing at Nozomi.

 

"Maki seems sad lately."  Rin said suddenly.

 

" _Seems."_ Nico struggled to keep the bile out of her voice.

 

"How?"  Nozomi asked, ignoring her.

 

"Angry-angry Maki.  All.  The.  Time."  Rin clarified with an amusing impression of Maki's trademark snarl. 

 

"All the time."  Nico repeated.

 

_That's her.  I don't know why she's like this either, Rin._

"Perhaps you need to show some patience."  Nozomi suggested.

 

"Patience?!"  Nico repeated in exasperation.

 

Nozomi tried to say something.

 

"Patience?!"  It _needed_ to be repeated.  She needed to know how ridiculous it was to suggest Nico could display anything less than the patience of a saint with her peers.  One of those peers in particular.  She needed to pout to properly affirm this, and she did.

 

Nozomi shook her head and smiled to herself.  Rin tried not to laugh and failed.

 

"What I meant was..."

 

"Patience?!"  She fucking deserved that for trying to tell Nico what she _meant_.

 

Rin was chuckling.  "Nico-Nico is just like Maki when she's mad."  Rin pulled off an impression of Nico's glaring pout to hammer the point home.

 

Nozomi burst out laughing and then immediately tried to bottle it up as a few heads across the library turned her way.  She was still sniggering when she glanced up at Nico, who shot her a sour look.

 

Despite Rin's wild misinterpretation of her character, Nico had to admit that it felt good to joke around with her friends.  She felt as though the world was slowly coming back into focus.  She may have even laughed a little bit at her own expense but that wasn't important to an incredibly humble person like Nico.

 

Still, that question she had asked Nozomi earlier was simmering in the back of her mind.  Nozomi had said that these things were beyond fate, what had she meant?  Nico was aware of the irony of now wanting to know what Nozomi meant.

 

"Do you think Maki is mad at you?"  Rin asked.

 

Nico nearly missed the question as she reflected.  It caught her though, the idea that Maki was mad at _her_.

 

"Yeah, probably."  Nico replied.

 

She was.   It was a different type of anger though, Nico could guess why she was the cause of it but she still didn't know where it came from, why it held such sway over the redhead and most importantly; how to tame it.

 

"Sometimes I worry Kayochin is angry at me but she won't say it."  Rin offered.

 

"What do you do?" Nico asked.

 

"I just ask her to be honest with me...  Because I think that's fair when you..." 

 

Rin trailed and a furious blush crept up her neck.  Nozomi keenly observed her but Nico missed it.

 

_If only I had fallen in love with mild-mannered Hanayo..._

"I m-mean...  I-it's not..."  Rin fumbled desperately.

_'In love?'_

"I think Nicocchi is looking for someone with personal experience.  Perhaps you could help, Rin?"  Nozomi coaxed with a sly smile aimed at Nico.

 

Rin didn't know where to look.  She settled for a button that was coming loose on her school blazer.  Her fingers twitched as the string frayed.

 

Nico caught Nozomi's gaze.

 

_That was a little cruel._

"I was only joking."  Nozomi reached out and took Rin's hand.

 

"No..."  Rin spoke up suddenly, little more than a whisper.  She looked up at the two of them.  "Nico admitted it, so can I."

 

_What can I say?  You're an inspiration, Yazawa._

"I'm...  I-I'm...  W-w-with Kayochin.  I-I...  Asked her out on a-a-a..."  Rin was shaking so much she seemed to be practically rattling her chair away from the table.

 

_Turn it around.  She's the one blazing this trail._

"It's okay, Rin.  Don't burst a blood vessel."  Nico put a steadying hand on Rin's shoulder.

 

"You asked her out?  Today?"  Nozomi asked, her eyes gentle on Rin.

 

Rin only nodded.

 

"And she said yes?"

 

Rin nodded again, this time with a barely perceptible motion.  It seemed like an alien reaction from the girl who normally couldn't stay still for a micro-second.

 

"That's why you're here?"  Nico probed, a little concerned.

 

"I, well I...  I got so nervous.  I didn't know how to act...  After that.  But I did it.  I asked and she said yes."

 

Rin only seemed to be coming to terms with this turn of events herself now.

 

"You could learn a lesson, Nicocchi."  Nozomi chuckled. 

 

Nico glared at her, poking her tongue out but Nozomi had already turned back to Rin.

 

"Congratulations."  Nozomi placed a hand on Rin's shoulder.  The ginger-haired girl nearly jumped out of her skin.  She smiled after a moment.

 

"Y-yeah."

 

"Hey..."  Nico started and then stopped suddenly.  Rin still looked a little shook up.    She knew she needed to phrase this carefully.  "When you knew how you felt, how did it feel?"

 

Rin didn't answer for a few moments and when she did she didn't meet either girl's gaze.

 

"I remember that it was just after Kayochin joined µ's.  She seemed so happy...  I remember thinking...  I-It sounds kind of lame...  I just remember thinking that I wanted her to stay happy.  I wanted to do whatever I could to make her feel that way forever."

 

_I don't want her to feel sad._

The words that she had never said aloud.  It was all Nico could think of.

 

"Does that make sense?"  Rin asked.

 

"It does.  What do you think, Nicocchi?"  Nozomi eyed her but there was no challenge or mocking there.  Just a simple question.

 

"Yeah."  It was as much as Nico could mange to say.  She took a deep breath and looked up at Rin. 

 

_I know._

 

"What are you going to do?"  Nozomi asked her.

 

Nico turned to her, what was it she had said earlier?

 

_You have faith that the person you love will really see you eventually._

 

It was an odd contrast of feelings whirling around in her head but Nico couldn't help but smile.

 

"Super idol Nico Nico-Ni is just going to have to work extra hard to charm her biggest fan."

 

Startled, Nozomi and Rin looked up at her.

 

"And you idiots had better keep all of this to yourselves until I do."  Nico finished with a sweet smile.


	5. Rich Kid Blues

Nico had revised Maki's training schedule with Umi so that they all trained together on fitness, song writing and attended general club meetings while alternating between the whole group and Nico's additional training on choreography and dance.

 

The end result for Maki was a reasonable increase in club activities, primarily in dance practise while Nico did additional sessions with Eli and Kotori to work on new choreography and keep up with the group, nearly doubling her work-load.

 

Maki had to (grudgingly) admit that this was an impressive commitment on Nico's part and tried to keep it in mind every time she was about to snap at her new coach.

 

After another session with Nico, Maki was declared 'a lost cause'.  Another week went by that this improved to 'not the worst thing I've ever witness at any time or place'.  It proved to be an irritation to Maki on how much she valued these scant improvements. 

 

It shouldn't matter, she kept telling herself.

 

But it did.

 

On her eighth practise alone with Nico she completed a routine without Nico screaming at her.  Though that's not to say praise was forthcoming...

 

"I'm trying to make a white swan out of the black swan and this is what I get."  Nico moaned as she paced back and forth in front of Maki.

 

"That's...  What?  That's not how that story goes.  Where..."  Maki was interrupted.

 

"If it doesn't go like that then it's a bad story.  And if it's a bad story then my version is better.  And if my version is better then that's the story to take note of."

 

"Whatever you say, coach."  Maki deadpanned.

 

Unfortunately, Maki made the mistake of relaxing for a moment.  Nico turned on her immediately but before she could say anything Maki was back, balanced and poised (After being labelled flat-footed by Nico, Maki had been sentenced to a life of standing on the balls of her feet, until it became 'natural'.  She longed for the days when her heels had touched the ground). 

 

Nico simmered before her.  Maki knew she was debating whether to lay another verbal smack-down on her.

 

"The beam."  Nico commanded.  Maki died a little inside.

 

The beam was a set of poles (from broad to thin), one of which was set between two moulded stands, these were set about five meters apart.  The goal was to make it from one end to the other and back again.  It was balance training, basic gymnastics.  Maki had yet to make it from one end to the other, let alone going back again.   Though the pole was only a few feet off of the ground she had managed some spectacular falls (which Nico had captured on her phone - for learning purposes.  All the other girls had seen them, Maki was sure).

 

Maki came close several times but was always a few agonizing steps short.  What was even more antagonizing was that Nico could traverse the beam in her sleep, upside down in the middle of a hurricane on the thinnest pole.  In fact she _pranced_ across the beam for her own enjoyment and furthering Maki's humiliation.

 

Tonight Maki's first attempt to cross ended in an early failure.  She had a troublesome habit of watching Nico out of the corner of her eye while she worked on the beam.  It proved to be her downfall once more as she allowed herself to be distracted by her senior's always-animated expression (usually beginning at faint hope and traversing to despair). 

 

"Relax'  Nico coaxed gently, helping her up.  "Your breathing is getting choppy, it's making you lock-up.  Slow, deeper breaths.  Loosen up."

 

This was a common observation that Nico made about Maki.  As a result, a few sessions before, Nico had spent some time teaching her meditative breathing (amongst other techniques), to take slow deep breaths through the nose only.  Nico said it was used to control your heart rate effectively between exercises.

 

Maki closed her eyes and breathed deeply, as prescribed for a about minute.  The problem was that Nico had put a hand on her lower back while helping her up.  It was all she could feel as she stood there.

 

Maki was beginning to realize that the reason she struggled to relax was the person telling her to.  The sudden shifts in Nico's mood made Maki uneasy.  When the constant jibes and sense of self-importance disappeared Nico was someone else.  A person Maki had never properly met...  Except for that one time.

 

That was a road best not travelled.  Ever.  Especially not now.

 

Another attempt on the beam.  This time she got pretty far before loosing balance and teetering perilously to one side.

 

"You've got this one, Maki."  Nico called to her.

 

Maki managed to righten herself and cautiously moved on.  She was only a few steps away from the second stand.

 

Nico had walked past her to wait at the other end.  She was watching Maki, looking her right in the eye.  She wasn't being confrontational or off-putting or anything.  She was just...  There.

 

Maki slipped barely a step away from the end.

 

Anger swamped her for a moment on impact.  Why had she lost balance?

 

_Yeah, it's a real mystery, Nishikino._

 

Nico moved to help her up but Maki pushed her away.

 

"I'm fine."  Maki snapped.  Her tone left no room for argument.

 

She saw it.  Just for a second.  The hurt just tucked away in corner of Nico's eye.

 

But when she looked back at Nico whatever she had seen was gone in an instant and Nico was back to Coach Yazawa, loudly proclaiming how she'd been asked to do the impossible, how the burden was sadly befitting her obvious talent.

 

Maki had seen it and knew she was the cause of it.  The fury that burned so brightly within her only a moment ago was replaced with a familiar numbness.  A little thing said without any thought.  There was no way she could take it back.

 

They finished early that evening.  Nico made some excuse.  Maki made an excuse  It didn't matter.  It was the same thing all over again.

 

*********************

 

She was listening to Bill Evans.  She couldn't remember which record.  Just piano, no trio.  'Conversations With Myself', she guessed.  Before, she had enjoyed the way the pianos interwove.  Now all she could hear was the disconnect and the loneliness. 

 

The space in-between.  It was deafening.

 

She was laid out on her back, the sheets of her bed thrown to one side.  She had just masturbated for the third or fourth time in her life.  She couldn't quite remember. 

 

A week ago, when Nico had taught her about meditative breathing for the first time Maki had tried it out.  Eyes closed, she had felt Nico's hands, one between her shoulder blades and another on her abdomen, pressing gently as Maki exhaled.  She had thought about how Nico's hand would graze her breasts if only she slid her hand up just a bit.  The breaths became quicker.  Nico asked her to slow down again _with her hands._

 

In the lead-up to her climax Maki had thought about those hands and all of the times Nico had touched her.  She couldn't put a face to those touches.  Instead she just focused on the feeling.  The indelible marks they had left on her body.

 

She got up and stumbled over to a full-length mirror.  She brushed a hand across her forehead, slick with sweat.  She gripped the edges of the mirror, staring hard at her reflection as her fingers left imprints on the glass.

 

_Why do I feel this way?_

What was this feeling?  A conflict?  Sure.  Who was it between?  Something she thought and something she felt deep down.  It didn't clarify anything or offer a clue on what to do about it.  She wanted this to end.  Whatever this was.

 

Maki looked into her own eyes.  She didn't know what she was searching for but she could feel the frustration deep within boiling to the surface, twisting into livid rage.

 

_Stop feeling so fucking sad!_

To scream would have been a release.  Not here though.  Not at home.

 

_If not here then where?  Where can you go to let it all out?_

 

The deeper she peered into her own eyes the more she could feel it.  The lie she told herself, the genesis of all this fucking...  What?  _Bitterness._  

 

Her hand crept down to the waistband of her underwear.  She watched it happen, like it was another person.  This wasn't her at all, it wasn't how she handled her affairs and it wasn't like her to let these things get to her. 

 

But Maki knew that right now it was the only distraction.  Indulge the body to let go of the mind.

 

She thought about those hands again.  The gentle pressure.  The way they _could_ have touched her and they way they _did_ all over again.  Never the face though.  The eyes...  Sometimes she spotted them through the haze before she could look away.

 

The music had stopped, the tone arm pulling the needle away from the record.  To Maki the music continued, distorting and shifting into the song she could never finish.  The one that started all of this off...

 

The thought scythed through her as her hips began to buck and body began to pulse...

 

_What if you hadn't got up and left?  What if you'd stayed?  Why was it all up to her to touch you?_

There was no answer that Maki wanted to hear.  Instead she imagined a slender hand sliding from her abdomen up under her shirt. 

 

For now, it was enough to get through the night.

 

********************

 

The next morning Maki woke up early.  She sat up, gazing around her room.  For some reason she had expected something else, evidence of how she felt last night.  Something should be broken, a scent or a sound misplaced _._   Instead she found everything still and silent.

 

She got up and ready, feeling surprisingly clear-headed.  Neither of her parents were up and about and the driver wasn't due for sometime.  She left a note saying she would catch the train to school.  The idea of familiar faces left her feeling oddly cold this morning.  Better to keep moving.

 

The morning was brisk so Maki wrapped up in the long coat and scarf before she walked to the station and caught a short ride to the next station up.  From there she transferred for the longer ride to Otonokizaka.  She was on the train for about a minute before she noticed. 

 

Of course. 

 

There she was.

 

Despite her desire, Maki couldn't bring herself to hide away.  Quite to the contrary, she walked down to the end of the carriage where Nico was stood.  She was gazing out of the window at the passing scenery, headphones plugged in.  Her head was moving up and down ever so slightly with the beat of whatever she was listening to.

 

Maki reached out and touched her gently on the shoulder.  She turned and smiled.  It nearly cracked Maki open there and then.  Nico just looked _so pleased_ to see her.  Like it was something they had pre-arranged, a plan coming together.  To recognize a friend in a crowd of strangers.

 

Nico was wearing a white hat, her hair down in two long twin-tails trailing out, the black locks tumbling down her back.  Maki could feel herself losing her balance.  She wanted to reach out.

 

Without a word Nico took one of her headphones out and passed it to Maki.  Maki plugged it into her ear, happy for any kind of distraction.

 

A woman was singing.  Maki couldn't describe her voice but it struck her, a kind of weary empathy to how she was feeling.

_'Devil's hand across my heart._

_As we dance through the dark._

_Go ahead, go ahead._

_Love me deep, until you can't.'_

Nico was looking at her.  She just seemed to be happy that Maki was listening.

 

Maki wanted to be happy to.  She wanted to enjoy this moment.  She felt...  Better.

 

Maybe it showed.  Nico smiled at her again.

 

That fucking smile, it felt like Maki was falling apart.

 

Without warning she began to cry.  She couldn't stop it. The tears ran down her cheeks, burning with humiliation.  She wanted to run, to not be here with this person, in this state above all else. 

 

She just wanted it to stop.

 

Nico took her hand and drew her in close.  Maki buried her face into the shoulder of Nico's coat.  She couldn't do anything else.

 

Nico didn't say anything.  The song kept playing.  It was all she could hear.

 

She felt Nico's arms around her, her fingers in her hair.  It didn't feel wrong.

 

_It.  Doesn't.  Feel.  Wrong._

Maki was losing track of what was happening.  She found herself sitting down with Nico.  People were probably staring and she didn't want them to.  She did care.  She couldn't look anyway so she settled for Nico's shoulder.

 

The song ended.  Maki felt its absence suddenly as the sounds of the railcar all rushed in at once.  She heard a voice.

 

"It's okay."

 

"It's not fucking okay."  Maki struggled to suppress her voice.  She felt the roughness of the sound and knew there was more. 

 

...If she could just stop fucking crying.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Sorry for what!?"  Harsh.

 

"That you're feeling...  Bad."  Lame.

 

Maki wanted to pounce on the indecisiveness.  "I'm not ill."  She snapped.

 

Nico was still holding her.  Those hands again, she could feel them through her coat.

 

Even now she was trying to tear into Nico.  She didn't know what she would do if Nico let go.

 

"Then I'm just sorry you're feeling down."

 

_Goddamn it._

Why wouldn't she just let loose.  Shout and scream at Maki.  Act like someone other than she was.  Why was she like this now?

 

"I'm sorry I can't make it okay."  So soft.

 

It was too much.

 

"It's not your problem."  It was the best she could do.

 

"Yeah, it is."  A little snap of the old Nico.

 

"No, it's not."  She could barely say it.  Just a whisper when she did.

 

"Shut up, Maki."  Nico tightened her grip.  Maki let her.

 

For once she took Nico's advice, just for a while.

 

But when they arrived at the station Maki ran and ran.  As far and as fast as she could.  Anything to get away from that feeling.

 

********************

 

Maki was sure the clock was running backwards.  She just needed to get to lunchtime, and then away from here.  She felt as though everything that had happened over the past few days was written all over her face.  Every time anyone looked at her they could see all the lines and marks.  The truths she couldn't even see in own reflection. 

 

She couldn't focus on a thing.  The classroom was a blur and whatever her teacher was saying...  Who knew?  Not Maki.  Twice she had been singled out to answer a question.  Her reaction, in front of the whole class, was to sit there slack-jawed and hopeless.  The second time Hanayo had tried to mouth the answer but Maki could barely understand someone talking directly to her, let alone silent whispers.  Eventually she just gave what she knew was the wrong answer.

 

_You're full of wrong answers, Nishikino._

There was a quiet buzz of conversation as the class mercifully drew to a close.  Then she saw it out of the corner of her eye.

 

Rin had turned around from her desk (she sat in front of Hanayo) and exchanged a few murmured words along with a quick smile.  Her hand was on the edge of Hanayo's desk and the brunette lightly touched Rin's wrist.  It was just a small thing but Rin blushed.  Hanayo smiled.  She looked so happy, Maki could see it in her eyes; this quiet joy.

 

She wanted to be happy for her friends but it felt like she was choking.  She just couldn't bear the sight.  To see two people connected...  The shame of how she felt cut deeply.

 

She could feel Nico's fingers running through her hair again.  She tried to brush them away in futility.

Maki mumbled an apology and got up to leave.  She had to get out.

 

The class hadn't officially ended yet and some turned to watch as Maki half-ran out of the room.

 

It seemed there was only one place she could go.  She had to get this out the only way she knew how.  She rushed towards the music room and the consoling keys of her piano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this story about two weeks ago and this is the last of the initial chapters I wrote that just needed to be revised before posting. From this point on I'll be aiming to update once per week with a new chapter.
> 
> As for where we are at the moment, just bare with the melodrama for a little while. It's all coming to a head shortly.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Gunshot

Nico was supposed to be studying for a mock exam next week but she had blown it off once again.  She was aware of impending consequences of her academic restlessness lately but Nico also knew she couldn't focus until she resolved this.  

 

Nico had slipped out of her class by playing ill (a mild fever, works every time) for a trip to the nurse's office.  After a brief visit and miraculous recovery, Nico had wandered up to the music room, which was thankfully empty this period (pre-ordained, Nico would argue).  She had entered the room and was currently stretched out on one of the benches in the back row, hidden behind the desks.

 

There was a lot of things that could go wrong from here.  There were many outcomes that she had at best, only briefly considered.  It didn't really matter though, an idol lived in the moment and Nico was all about _making_ things happen.

 

Nico knew that her modus operandi today was all about trying _not_ to think.  It had gotten her this far without punching anyone in the face this morning but it was hard not to obsess over her commute to school.  It crept back into her consciousness whenever she wasn't actively trying to put it aside.

 

Top two Nico moments from this morning...

 

  1. When she had wrapped Maki in her arms. She had thought it was finally happening.  She wanted to say _it._   But the moment twisted on her misinterpretation of Maki's tears.  Maybe it wasn't perfect but at first it had still...  Thrilled her?  Something like that.  It was a feeling she had never felt before and, well, you know that doesn't happen often for a woman of the world like Nico.



 

  1. When they had stepped onto the platform together and Maki had pulled away suddenly, her hand slipping out of Nico's. The sudden emptiness against the palm of her hand had been shocking.  Then the look in Maki's eyes when she had glanced back while running away.  Like she wasn't Nico, it was someone else Maki was running from.  Someone who had done something horrible...  Something they could never take back.



 

But Nico hadn't done anything wrong and she kept reminding herself that was the case.  She had just tried to be honest...  Could that be so bad?

 

Okay, so not really _just_ two moments but, you know, whatever.  If that was really the thing that stuck with you then you're really just _not getting_ Nico.  And she could tell you, that was your problem, not hers.

 

It was what she had been telling herself all morning.

 

_I'm not the problem here._

In-between not thinking about any of it, of course.

 

Somewhere in the middle of this Nico drifted off.  That's how much she didn't care.

 

She awoke to a sound that often haunted her dreams.  It set her on edge and made her wonder if she was dreaming.  With what she had in mind that wasn't a terrible proposition.

 

Nico sat up slowly and peered over the desk.

 

There she was.  Hammering away at those keys like there was no tomorrow.

 

The song hadn't changed since the first time Nico had heard it and that pesky note was still pinging around the room from time to time.

 

Observing her target Nico realized that time may be of the essence.  The piano would only last so long under Maki's frenzied assault.  She seemed to be playing with her whole body, the weight of everything she was feeling was bearing down on those keys over-and-over.

 

Well, there's no time like the present.

 

Maki was in a world of her own.  She didn't even notice Nico when she sat down next to her on the piano bench.

 

A few moments later her hip brushed against Nico's and she froze.  Her hands seemed to have stopped in an unnatural shape, they twitched as the last note rang out, caught between verses.  Nico couldn't help but stare at them.  They were sweaty and reddish, some blood around the nails and fingertips.  A far cry from how they once looked the last they sat here together.  Just as beautiful in a different way.

 

"What do you want."  It wasn't a question, just an icy acknowledgment of Nico's presence.

 

Nico didn't know what to say.  She knew nothing in her usual arsenal would play well here.  She had to be brave again and watch for the cracks.

 

Nico took Maki's hand, loosening it from the piano. 

 

"Stop."

 

Maki tried to resist, to pull back but Nico had one hand around her wrist and the other on her palm.  She examined Maki's fingers.

 

"You're hurting your hands."

 

"They're my hands to hurt!"  She wanted to scream, Nico could hear it.

 

Nico took a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at the blood.  When she had cleaned the worst away she kissed Maki's fingers once.

 

"...Stop it."  That sounded like this morning again.  Something bittersweet caught in the back of her throat.

 

"I don't want you to..."  Nico longed to say _it_.

 

_Not yet._

"...To hurt yourself."

 

"You don't...  Get it..."  Maki was looking down at her lap.

 

"If you tell me I'll understand."  Nico's word were low and soft, as if coaxing a stray animal.

 

Maki was silent.  She took her hand away from Nico, refusing to meet her gaze.

 

Nico knew what she had to do.  Like any idol worth her salt she knew there were times to say it and times to show it.

 

Nico turned to Maki and reached out, catching her face between her palms.  She turned Maki to her.  Maki's eyes went wide and Nico wondered if she was signing her death warrant as she kissed Maki firmly on the lips.

 

For a moment she was kissing a mannequin, something _lifeless._   It was awkward, she could feel her face pressed against Maki's, their cheek bones bumping together and then Maki's nose pressed into her eye for a moment.

 

But then she felt it, a rush of emotion on the other side, like she had woken something up deep within Maki.  It was the _best_ thing Nico had ever experienced.  It was as if a thirst had been sated deep within her.  Something she hadn't been conscious of yet had been driving her to _this moment._

Their lips parted by only inches, reluctantly.  Nico was drawn into those violent eyes steadily gazing at her.  They seemed to grow until they were her entire world.

 

Nico became suddenly aware that she didn't know what to do next.

 

Oddly, it didn't really seem to matter.  She murmured Maki's name and the redhead responded by brushing her lips against Nico's.  Maki's hands encircled Nico's wrists and she felt their bodies push together, first tenderly as they began to kiss again and then the hunger began to gnaw at both of them.  Nico poked her tongue out, parting Maki's lips and finding hers, the sensation send a jolt electricity down her spine. 

 

She felt like falling apart as Maki sighed into her mouth.

 

_Where did this all begin?_

The thought crept up on Nico suddenly.  She opened her eyes slightly and saw that Maki was peeking at her as well.  Something about the vulnerability she saw there brought it back.

 

It had been deep in last summer when they had all travelled to the Nishikino vacation house.  During the night they had sat beside each other in front of a campfire, beneath a sea of stars, while Nico had cooked some sweet potatoes. 

 

Nico had offered a potato she had just cooked and Maki had taken it without thinking.  She had yelped at the heat and tossed it up between her fingers.  It was the silliest thing, so unbecoming of Maki Nishikino but revealing of the real person, unsure of the simplest things having had them done for her all of her life. 

 

Still, when the potato had cooled she had broken it in half and offered Nico the other piece before eating hers.  Being raised under the velvet glove hadn't robbed her of a natural inclination towards kindness.

 

Perhaps it sounded like she was detached but Nico was used to watching people carefully, discerning who they really were, deepening her own disguises in the process.  But those moments had stuck with her for another reason, something she hadn't quite been able to fathom until now...

 

_You gave your love away to a rich girl for a sweet potato._

Nico couldn't help but laugh.  It startled Maki but Nico dug her fingers into her hair, keeping her close.  She kissed Maki's cheek and made her way down to her neck, planting butterfly kisses as she went.  She heard Maki gasp and felt another shiver of pleasure herself.

 

Nico paused and moved back up to Maki's face, it was impossible to keep the smile from her lips.

 

"Maybe this isn't the place to continue..."  Despite herself, Nico blushed.  "...This."  She finished awkwardly.

 

"I think this was the right place to start."  Maki caressed Nico's cheek with her fingertips as she murmured her reply into Nico's lips.

 

"Of course.  Did you think Nico was waiting here by chance?"

 

Maki groaned, burying her face in Nico's shoulder.  That was Nico's cue.

 

"Nico would never forget her biggest fan."

 

Maki groaned again, even louder.  She poked Nico between her ribs.

 

"Nico _knew_ Maki would need help admitting how much she _admired_ Nico."

 

"Please.  Stop."

 

Nico sighed.  "It's not easy being Nico Nico-Ni."

 

Maki sagged against her, groaning for a third time against her body.

 

"Stop!"

 

Nico managed to keep a straight face as Maki looked up at her.

 

"But I do...  Admire you..."  Maki mumbled as she looked down, blushing furiously.

 

"I know."  Nico pressed her face into Maki's hair, engulfed by the scent.  

 

Their bodies were still tangled together, she could feel Maki shuffle and sigh in embarrassment.   Seeing a shyer side to Maki was a treat and Nico didn't want to let it go so easily.

 

"I _adore_ you."  Nico whispered in her ear.

*********************

 

Dazed from the last hour alone with Maki, Nico wandered towards her next class at a slow, ponderous pace.  Unfortunately, this led to a run-in with someone Nico would often describe as 'a less desirable element'.

 

"Nicocchi!"  Nozomi called as she caught up to Nico.

 

_Good luck getting away from this one unscathed._

"I see that your fever has gone down."  Nozomi said between chuckles as she came alongside Nico.

 

"Nico is very resilient, you should know that."  Nico spoke between a fine smile.

 

Nozomi hummed in agreement and smiled at her before turning back to the corridor ahead.

 

_She can see Maki all over you._

_Wait!  That's what she wants you to think...  That she already knows what you're thinking._

Nozomi glanced at Nico and smiled again.

 

"What?"  Nico snapped suddenly.  She stopped walking and turned to Nozomi.

 

"What do you mean?"  Nozomi asked innocently.

 

"Do you think you're clever?  Picking on sweet, innocent Nico."  Nico hugged herself dramatically, eyeing Nozomi carefully all the while.

 

"What's gotten into you?"

 

Nico's eyes narrowed in suspicion.  Nozomi just looked at her in bemusement.

 

"Just what are you implying?"  Nico said, just above a whisper.

 

"Implying?"  Nozomi inquired.  "Well, let me see..."

 

"Casting aspersions on poor Nico.  Maybe those cards are playing tricks..."

 

"I was implying that you must have spent a wonderful lunchtime with your girlfriend."  Nozomi interrupted matter-of-factly.

 

"W-wha..."  Nico was struck dumb.

 

"So how was it?"  Nozomi asked.

 

"How did...  You know?"  Nico gaped.

 

"Well, Nicocchi.  You just told me."  Nozomi began to laugh.

Nico screwed her eyes shut, hoping she would be _anywhere_ else when she opened them.

 

No luck.

 

"And, you look rather _ravished._ "  Nozomi leaned in close.  Her nose twitched and she sighed.  "You really should learn to tidy up after these _liaisons_.  But then, you're just too sweet and innocent, Nicocchi."

 

Nico looked down, cringing in defeat.  Then it struck her; there was no shame in how she felt about Maki.  And she had been honest.  She had been bold about her feelings.

 

Nico looked up, defiant.  "Yeah, well...  I'm not afraid to admit it!  I-I..."  Nico started a bit too loudly for their surroundings.

 

"I'm sure you do."  Nozomi cut in.  Her eyes hinted caution.

 

"At least I've tried.  That's better than you."  Nico wasn't going to back down.

 

"Is that so?"

 

For the first time that Nico could ever remember she saw a brief flash of anger cross her friend's normally composed features.  She stepped in close but Nico held her ground.

 

"Not every relationship should be shouted from the rooftop."  Nozomi spoke in a distinct whisper.

 

Nico suddenly caught onto what she was saying.  She had thought about the consequences for herself but had she thoroughly considered the things that could go wrong for Maki if this got out?

 

"I know that."

 

"I'm sure _you_ do.  I just hope _Nico-Ni_ remembers.  She doesn't tend to be as subtle."

 

Nico refused to look away but the arrow had found its mark.

 

"I won't forget."  Nico said firmly.

 

Nozomi stepped back, the tension draining from her face.

 

"I'm sorry...  It's just these things we do, Nicocchi.  They start off as something you understand clearly and then it's _you_ who changes."  Nozomi sighed and looked away.

 

"What's wrong?"  Nico asked, her curiosity stoked.

 

"Don't worry about it, I'm just being melodramatic."

 

Nico decided to let it go for the moment a she pondered Nozomi's words. 

 

They began to walk towards class again.  The bell rang, they were late, though neither girl was rushing.

 

"Let me know if I can help."  Nico said suddenly.

 

"With what?"  Nozomi smiled politely.

 

Nico rolled her eyes.  "Whatever's making you melodramatic."

 

The smile fell away from Nozomi's face.  She looked a little hollow without it, Nico noticed.

 

"It's okay, Nicocchi.  I was just joking."  She murmured.

 

"If it helps, I think you were right.  You have to keep a little faith in the other person.  even if, well..."  Nico trailed as they approached the classroom.  This wasn't the time or place for this conversation but she didn't want walk away from it quite yet.

 

Nozomi glanced at her before she walked into the classroom.  "Thanks.  I'm really happy for you."  Her smile was slightly easier this time.

 

Nico reached out, grabbing Nozomi's arm and pulled her back from the doorway.

 

Nico spoke in a hushed tone.  "Sometimes, if you can't get through to someone...  Even an eloquent girl like Nico just has to..."  She thought back to the last hour, how it had been so hard at first and then how it had unfolded.  "You have to storm the gates, you know?"

 

Nozomi looked at Nico thoughtfully and then nodded slightly.

 

"What are you two doing?"  Eli suddenly materialized in the doorway.

 

Nico had the sudden urge to tell Eli exactly who they were talking about just to fuck with Nozomi for earlier but that probably wasn't the wisest choice...

 

"We're talking about you."  Nico blurted

 

"What?  Why?"  Eli blushed slightly as she looked to Nozomi for an answer.

 

Nozomi shook her head and sighed.  "Nicocchi..."  A slight smile played on her lips though.

 

Nico had a feeling she would pay for that one.

 

_Worth it._

********************

 

A small measure of revenge came after school.  It was the end of a full group dance practise on the roof.

 

Nico had been careful all evening not to get too close to Maki for fear of not being able to keep her hands to herself.  It seemed Maki had the same idea as well which made things easier.

 

It was impossible to keep her eyes off of Maki though.  Their eyes met every now and then.  It was clear they on the same wavelength.  Imagining the same things.  Waiting impatiently for a chance to re-create those touches.

 

By the time Eli called for the end of practise Nico feel herself literally tilting towards Maki as if she were a magnet.  She breathed a sigh of relief as the other girls began to leave. 

 

Nico was leaning back against the railing, trying not to watch Maki too intensely as she clearly stalled for time, digging through her bag again and again, in-between glancing at Nico over her shoulder while waiting for everyone else to leave.

 

The reason she was still stalling, of course, was Toujou Nozomi.  Nico knew she should have seen this coming.

 

Besides Nozomi, only Eli was left, hovering around the doorway to the roof waiting for her.  Nozomi appeared to be searching her bag for something.  In slow-motion.  

 

Nico glared at her.

 

"Nozomi, what's wrong?"  Eli called.

 

"I've lost my keys."  Nozomi called back.

 

"For the love of..."  Nico cursed under breath.

 

"Have you seen them, Maki?"  Nozomi asked with an faint smirk.

 

"No...  No, I haven't sorry."  Maki was a little startled.  She made the mistake of glancing at Nico and Nozomi followed her line of sight.

 

"What about you, Nicocchi?"  The smirk grew.

 

"You're such a _fuckin' klutz_."  Nico chirped with a sweet smile, which quickly soured.  She turned to Maki.  "Maybe we should leave?"  She suggested.  "I'm sure we can stop somewhere to talk about that song."

 

"Yeah...  The song?  Oh!  Of course.  The song."  Flustered Maki wasn't the sharpest.  Nico sighed.

 

Nozomi feigned shock.  "What _song_ is this?  Have you both been writing _something_ behind our backs?"  Nozomi looked between them with that same fucking smirk.

 

_Nice one, asshole._

 

Thankfully Eli interrupted before Nico could attempt to throw Nozomi off the roof.

 

"Here they are."  Eli had walked over to Nozomi.  She patted a side pocket of the bag and sure enough, the jingle of a few keys were heard.  "You always keep them in here"  Eli said with a quizzical look.

 

"Must be an early onset of senility."  Nico offered, still glaring at Nozomi.

 

"Well now we can all walk home together!  I want to hear all about this song."  Nozomi beamed at Nico.

 

_Oh god.  Just run._

Without a second thought Nico walked over to Maki, grabbed her by the wrist and began to run. 

 

"She knows."  Nico whispered.

 

It was all Maki needed to hear.  She quickly picked up the pace, practically dragging Nico off of the rooftop.

 

"Where are you going, Nicocchi?"  Nozomi called out behind them.

 

********************

 

They stopped at a park near the station and found a relatively seduced spot under a tree set someway back from the main path.

 

Maki sat down, finding a spot between the roots and leaning back against the trunk.

 

"Did you tell her?"  Maki asked.  Thankfully, she didn't sound angry about it, Nico noted with relief.

 

"She tricked Nico.  A cruel trick."  Nico pouted.

 

"How?"  Maki probed.

 

"Nico doesn't want to remember."  She really didn't.

 

"It doesn't matter."  Maki shrugged.

 

Nico glanced at her in surprise.  "It doesn't?"

 

"It's just Nozomi, right?"

 

It had better fucking be.  She made a mental note to make Nozomi swear to keep their secret on penalty of death by Nico.

 

She was distracted from her brooding as she gazed upon her companion.  Maki was sat halfway between the shade of the tree and the brilliant light of the now-low hanging sunset.  Her hair blazed a deep bronze in the dying light while her face fell into the shadow.

 

As Nico stared she had that same sense of time as when she had sat with Maki at the piano; that it was all slipping away and Nico had forgotten anything outside of this moment.

 

She found herself peering into the shade and found Maki looking right back at her.  She gestured for Nico to join her after a few moments.

 

They were still out in the open.  Nico knew they should be careful, she knew...

 

Nico settled onto Maki's lap, feeling her stiffen in surprise as she brushed her lips against Maki's cheek.

 

They were still sweaty from practise and the subsequent escape here but Nico found sweaty Maki alluring in her own way.  It was like looking at someone unvarnished, without any pretence or formality.  She still smelled  nice as well, which was a bonus, Nico thought.

 

"This is going to be hard."  Maki said softly.

 

"Yeah."  Nico whispered, her lips brushing the tip of Maki's ear.  She felt Maki shiver.

 

Nico could feel herself slipping.  Her hands were wandering.

 

"I have a hard time...  Being honest."  Maki spoke slowly.

 

Nico sniggered and felt herself relax a little.  She leaned into Maki, resting her head against her shoulder.

 

"But... I want to try..." 

 

"I know.  Thank you."

 

Maki breathed a sigh of relief.  Her hands settled on Nico waist.

 

"What's the time?"  Nico asked.

 

"I'm not sure, why?"

 

Nico glanced around.  No one seemed to have passed by since they had arrived.  It was probably later than she thought.  She knew they both should be heading home.

 

"Can we stay like this a little longer?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"It must be nice being alone with your favourite idol."

 

" _God_.  This again?"

 

"Nico knows that you love it really."

 

"I've always been more of an A-Rise fan."

 

"We'll work on that."


	7. Just Like A Dream

At the sound of her alarm buzzing Maki slowly opened her eyes, it was still dark outside.  Her arm slithered out from under the covers to make the offending noise stop.

 

There was only a few moments blissful silence before her phone went off.

 

A text.  She knew who it was from. 

 

_Like clockwork._

 

Try as she might to pretend not to care in the company of others, she was alone here so Maki grabbed at her phone in spite of the morning chill.

 

 **Nico:** _Good morning! ~Nico♫~_

_Wake up sleepy Maki._

_Your princess awaits and she doesn't like to be kept waiting!_

_Bring snacks._

_Nico♫_

Maki idly wondered how many times Nico said or wrote her own name on a daily basis. 

 

She would _never ever_ admit this in front of the girl in-question but she had started to find it slightly (very slightly) endearing.

 

But it was also incredibly annoying most of the time so it didn't matter.  Forget about it.

 

It was still far earlier than she'd normally leave for school but these days she often left early, much as the text from Nico (who it seemed never slept, as far as Maki could tell) suggested. 

 

As she began to ready herself for the day Maki recalled that she had told her parents she was taking additional piano tutoring before school, which they miraculously believed without question.  Far from any suspicions there had been praise for such dedication 'at her age' (a phrase that would forever grind Maki's gears).  She didn't really feel any guilt about the lie.

 

Put it down a rebellious streak finally appearing from prim and proper Nishikino Maki.

 

It was far better than the truth; that Nico genuinely inspired her to take these detours from everyday life.

 

Once she was ready, Maki left the house swiftly.  Autumn had deeply set in, fallen leaves of gold and amber blitzed her view as they rode a strident rush of wind.  It felt like a welcome change from the lumbering trials of last summer.

 

She stopped at a convenience store draped in Halloween decorations on the way to the station.  She picked up what would essentially be her's and Nico's breakfast (a sacrifice for these early rendezvous).  She spent a little too much time considering what to get Nico before finally settling on two packets of strawberry-filling bread.

 

_God, you're pathetic._

She really was when it came to Nico.  Maki had come to know it with an unerring belief these last few weeks.

As she reached the station another text arrived.

 

 **Nico:** _There had better be extra snacks for making poor Nico wait this long._

That was a one-sentence warning shot Maki had become familiar with.  She made an extra stop at a kiosk in the station to cover herself.

 

Standing on the train, waiting to transfer at the next station, Maki couldn't get over how nervous she felt.  She saw Nico _all of the time_ but she still found herself practically buzzing in anticipation at this point every morning.

 

When had she started feeling this way?  It had been just under a month from the fateful morning when she had ridden this train towards her run-in with Nico.

 

Maki couldn't deny the thrill, the way she revelled in her feelings for Nico.  The secrets they indulged in one another, the hidden touches and hushed words.  It all set Maki's pulse racing whenever she dwelled on it.

 

As the train came into the station there was another text.

 

 **Nico:** _There are some very cute girls on the platform this morning.  I think one of them wants to ask Nico out._

Maki replied.

 

 **Maki:** _Just one?_

The reply was instantaneous.

 

 **Nico:** _OF COURSE all of them admire Nico but I think only one has the guts._

Maki replied once more, just before the doors opened.

 

 **Maki:** _You're more than welcome to any hypothetical girl of your choice.  It's fine with me._

Maki shot out of the train and half-ran through the station towards her platform.

 

 **Nico:** _SHE'S_ _REAL_ _.  And maybe I will.  Where are you?_

**Maki:** S _till in bed.  You've got my blessing.  Just warn her that you're hard work.  A strong relationship begins with honesty._

As Maki reached the platform she came upon Nico, who was frantically typing another text into her phone.  She took a moment to take her _girlfriend_ in.

 

Nico was wearing her hair down under a faded pink woollen hat.  A thick scarf covered the rest of her face, leaving just those crimson gems gleaming out at the world.  Continuing in the theme of winter preparation, she was clad in a long coat and fingerless gloves that were too big for her dainty hands.

 

"Where's your imaginary girlfriend?"  Maki asked with a grin, squeezing Nico's shoulder.

 

Nico yelped as she spun around to face Maki.  Upon realizing who it was she pouted and shook her head before looking away.

 

"Maki-chan scared her off."  Nico mumbled, pulling her scarf down under her chin.

 

Maki had an equally hard time not laughing as she did keeping her hands off of Nico right there.  She was so cute when she was angry (or pretending to be angry, with Nico there usually wasn't much distinction between the two).  It was the pantomime way she acted it out, Maki found herself thinking.  It also made her irresistible to tease.

 

The train was coming in so Maki grabbed Nico by the arm and dragged her towards the edge of the platform.

 

"You've put Nico in a bad mood."  She was _still_ pouting.

 

"I didn't know you had any other setting.  Still, luckily that's the one I like the most."  Maki couldn't hide her smirk as Nico's grimace cracked.

 

They stepped onto the train and walked down to the quieter end of the carriage.

 

Maki was waiting for a comeback when she realized that Nico was leaning against her.  Her head was resting on Maki's shoulder and she was holding her hand.  She felt herself stiffen, suddenly nervous of their surroundings.

 

"Relax.  We're just two friends going to school together."  Nico murmured.  "They don't know that the redhead has a huge crush on the super cute girl next to her."  She added for good measure.

 

"Super petite."  Maki whispered back.

 

Nico growled in reply.

 

Maki had a hard time holding her laughter in, though she wasn't trying very hard.  She wasn't sure if it was always intentional but Nico had a wonderful way draining away any tension she felt.

 

Nico punched her playfully in the ribs.  Perhaps a touch harder than any playfulness Maki knew.

 

"Maki-chan's so mean."  Nico said to the floor, words muffled by her scarf.

 

"You can't say I ever hid that from you."  Maki grinned.

 

"I certainly never expected you to babble so much after I kissed you.  Who would have thought that I'd uncover such a chatterbox."  Nico looked up at her, a familiar challenge gleamed in her eyes.

 

Maki remained tight-lipped in response, eyeing Nico all the time.

 

After a moment Nico nodded and smiled.

 

"That's right.  Quiet Maki is my favourite Maki.  Nico needs her morning relaxation time now."  Nico snuggled in closer to Maki, closing her eyes as the city sped by.

 

_Infuriating._

 

Maki felt Nico's gloved-fingers intertwine with her own.

 

But she could put up with it.

 

********************

 

Maki picked at the salad she had bought from the convenience store, it was not as fresh as advertised.

 

Her phone went off, a text.

 

 **Nico:**  Salad, really?

 

Maki turned to Nico, who was sat next to her on the park bench, with an incredulous look.  Nico's lips curled in disgust as looked at Maki's offending breakfast.  She opened her second packet of bread and tore into it.  After a bite she looked up at Maki thoughtfully, but before she could speak Maki snatched the bread out of her hands and took a bite.

 

"You're right, very tasty." Maki commented, ignoring the sudden outrage that flared next to her.

 

The morning had yet to really thaw from it's icy stillness.  It wasn't even winter yet and Maki found herself wondering if they would be here, doing the same thing in a few months.  It was strange, she realised that she didn't mind even if it was just for a few extra minutes to themselves.

 

She knew that she was romanticizing what was, in reality, a cold and dreary morning spent eating a poor excuse for breakfast in a park deserted, save for the odd early shift worker darting through for a shortcut to work.

 

But this was important.  She wouldn't give it up...

 

Maki's train of thought was broken as Nico dived across her, grasping at the bread and shoving it into her mouth.

 

Maki felt the full weight of Nico pressed against her thighs.  A warm sensation swamped her head, making her skin tingle.

 

"Hah!"  Nico crowed in triumph as she pushed herself upright.

 

Maki realized that Nico's hat had fallen off onto her lap.  She grabbed it, looked up at Nico and gasped...

 

Something about Nico with her hair down always caught Maki unaware, she could feel her breath caught in her throat.  It was like seeing a different side to Nico, more mature maybe but just as devilish.

 

Clearly aware of the effect she was now having, Nico was smirking ever-so-slightly, her eyes snaring Maki.

 

Maki reached out, touching Nico's rosy cheeks, caressed by the cold with her scarf slipped down around her neck.

 

" _Maki..."_

Something about the shape her lips made when she said her name.  _Really_ said it.

 

Maki glanced around quickly.  They were alone.  Probably minutes before the rush began.

 

She drew Nico close, the sudden lust made her hands rougher.  She pressed her lips against Nico's.

 

_When did you get so bold?_

For a moment the thought troubled her but Maki had found that kissing Nico was like putting your mouth over a livewire.  Rational thought beyond sweet nothings held no sway.

 

Nico broke away suddenly, leaving Maki incredibly dissatisfied and ready to act on it.  Then she realized that Nico was waving to someone.

 

Maki spun around to see Kotori walking through the park.  Her heart immediately switched up several gears.

 

_Did she see you?_

But Kotori wasn't really walking towards them so much as walking past them, Maki realized.  She had a far-away look on her face and she hadn't clocked Nico yet.

 

"Hey."  Nico called.

 

Kotori stopped suddenly a few feet away from them, her eyes focusing in on her friends.

 

"Oh!  H-hello.  Sorry."  She tried to smile but it wasn't really there.

 

Maki stood up.

 

"We were just walking to school."  Maki asserted.

 

_Great job.  Stating the obvious never sounds suspicious._

"After breakfast!"  Nico announced quickly.

 

If she noticed anything odd, Kotori certainly didn't show it.

 

"Let's walk together."  Nico continued.

 

"Yeah."  Kotori took a deep breath.  "Sorry, head in the clouds."

 

"Couldn't be worst than this one."  Nico pointed at Maki.

 

For the sake of keeping their meeting clandestine Maki swallowed her retort.  Her pride demanded she get some classic Nishikino glaring in later for good measure though.

 

*********************

 

The school day passed in a glaze of half-heard moments and perfunctory motions.

 

Early evening she met Nico in the gymnasium.  Despite the fact that whole group could never reserve this space to practise, Nico had somehow acquired it for one of her practise sessions.  Maki was curious as to how she had done it but had begun to realize that Nico had a number of tricks up her sleeve and she would only reveal them when she wanted to.  Until then the best you would get was a smirk along with a sly wink.

 

Given their blossoming relationship Maki had wondered if the dynamic of their training would change.

 

Nico had made it perfectly clear that this would not be the case.  Once she clicked her stopwatch (Nico had a stopwatch now) and looked up in pre-arranged despair at whatever Maki was doing it was Coach Yazawa who took over.  And, as Maki found out the hard way, Coach Yazawa was not in love with Maki.  In fact, she didn't even like Maki.  Maki was the bane of her existence.

 

This evening was a particularly gruelling session.  Maki wondered aloud if it was brought on by her jibes earlier this morning.  This only brought further misery upon her.

 

Despite this, Maki could really feel the difference after working with Nico for a month.  She was keeping up with the pace, her footwork was beginning to feel natural and her lines were sharp as she struck each move. 

 

She was starting to feel like she could convey something with the way she moved rather than just going through the motions.  Maki had had always viewed dance as a derivative of music but the partnership, and the role of each within, was starting to become clear to her.

 

Maki also knew she was improving because Nico's usual brand of confidence-withering coaching was growing more reserved with each session.  The melodramatic sighs of exasperation were fewer and further between now, the criticisms were more to a finer technical point as opposed to _everything Maki was doing_.

 

This didn't mean that Nico eased up on Maki but despite the oppressive nature of her teacher Maki had found her own ways of having fun.

 

She had started making a game of distracting Nico during practise, the ultimate goal was to make her blush.

 

It had started with subtle things, a coy come-hither look or catching Nico's eye when she was meant to be watching her perform a move.  Later, she had moved onto brushing past Nico if they came close or running a hand across her back while helping her stretch.  The best, and so far only time she had won, was when she had taken a golden opportunity to turn and breath into Nico's ear while closely mirroring a step.

 

Much to Nico's chagrin, Nozomi had visited them during a session last week and quickly caught on to what Maki was doing.  Though Maki was loathe to discuss or _even admit_ her relationship to anyone, she knew she had to accept Nozomi's readily offered help.  It was all about the prize, after all.

 

After developing a new strategy with the aforementioned purple-haired girl, Maki was debuting her _fuck me_ eyes today with great effect during one of Nico's lectures.

 

Nico seemed so entranced that she stopped mid-sentence, her gazed tied to Maki. 

 

Slowly, she walked towards her.

 

"Maki..."

 

There it was again.  Maki had to work to keep it together.

 

Nico reached out her, a hand caressed her cheek.

 

"...There's something on your face..."

 

_What?_

"The look of an un-focused dancer!"  Nico screamed in her face.

 

It all came back.  The most theatrical dance coach that ever existed, unsatisfied until the end. 

 

The failure hit Maki hard but she knew these things had to be overcome. 

 

********************

 

When they reached the station the sun had nearly set.

 

It occurred to Maki that she had spent nearly all day with Nico, pretty much every moment outside of the classroom.  It wasn't the first time, it wasn't even the first time this week but now that she gazed over the whole day it struck her.

 

Maki had always been a solitary person and like most people of her ilk it was hard not to feel like spending time with someone was actually an excuse for that person to invade her time and space.  It was un-natural, an interlude.  With that came the growing irritation of anyone who kept her from herself.

 

As she glanced at Nico's silhouette, stood just outside of a halo of light on the platform, she realized she didn't feel uncomfortable at all.  The thought hadn't even crossed her mind.  She didn't want to _leave_ Nico.

 

When had that changed?

 

It had started with μ's she supposed.  Being accepted into a group had changed her, allowed her to put the talents she had honed alone into something bigger than herself.  She had collaborated and it had affected her, like learning the first few words of a language that had until then sounded like snippets of a song half-heard.  She had started to understand something...

 

Nico turned to look at her, peering into the light.  Maki could she that she was smiling faintly.

 

It was she who had inspired the greatest leap of faith, Maki knew.  She had pushed and pulled against the walls Maki had erected so long ago.  Now it seemed she couldn't let go of the stranger who had wondered into her heart for fear of losing herself in the world that was opening up before her.

 

_Is this what it means to fall in love?_

The sounds of the train arriving, slicing through the air across the platform, interrupted her thoughts.

 

They stepped on, finding two seats alongside each other.

 

As the train began to move Maki wondered how long they had been waiting.  Out of the window, she could see the moon was beginning to impose itself upon the night sky.

 

"Hey..."  Nico spoke up suddenly.

 

Maki felt Nico's shoulder brush against hers.

 

"Do you want to come over?"

 

"Yeah."  She didn't need to consider the question.

 

********************

 

Maki hadn't been to the Yazawa's apartment since the rest of the group had ended up there in pursuit of Nico after her mysterious absence from practise last summer.

 

Coming here as a guest reminded Maki just how much time had flown by since joining μ's, how much everything had changed and most predominately since her last time here, how differently she looked at Nico.

 

When they arrived Nico waltzed in, announcing her presence, with Maki trailing behind her.  They were greeted by Nico's mother, along with Cotarou and Cocoro who sat next to her in the glare of the TV.

 

Maki took in her surroundings.  It was a far cry from the austere expansiveness Maki knew as home but the well-worn apartment had a cosiness that made her feel welcome.

 

"I'm back, Mama."  Nico struck a pose which her sister immediately tried to emulate.

 

"Nico..."  Nico's mother paused for a moment as she noticed Maki.

 

The resemblance between Nico and her mother caught Maki off-guard.  After a moment she became aware that she was openly staring at the older woman.

 

"Maki!"  Cocoro called out, waving.  Maki snapped back to the moment and gave her small wave in return.

 

"This is Nishikino Maki.  She's my idol apprentice."  Nico gestured in Maki's direction. 

 

Maki couldn't help but roll her eyes.

 

"Pleased to meet you, Nishikino-san."  Nico's mother addressed her.

 

"Pleased to meet you."  Maki bowed in response.

 

Mrs. Yazawa turned back to Nico.  "Nico, try to be a little more cordial when you introduce people.  I don't want your friend's to think you were raised in the wilds."  She caught Maki's eye with a sly smile as she spoke, it caused Maki to grin.

 

"Yes, Mama."  Nico sighed. 

 

"Background dancer."  Cotarou pointed at Maki, having just noticed her.

 

Maki glared at Nico when she turned to eye her with a rye smile.  "He remembers you as well."

 

Mrs. Yazawa hushed Cotarou and then turned back to Maki.

 

"Thank-you, Nishikino-san, for _guiding_ my daughter.  She mentioned you helped her study before.  I know she's a difficult burden to bear."  Mrs. Yazawa bowed her head slightly towards Maki and adding a wink afterwards.

 

"Mama!"  Nico threw her arms into the air.  "I'm teaching her!"

 

"Thank-you, Yazawa-sama.  It's the least I could do."  Maki caught on, bowing formally to Nico's mother.

 

"Very funny."  Nico observed dryly as she looked between them.

 

"Maki, come play with me!"  Cocoro called out.

 

"Now, now" Mrs. Yazawa hushed her daughter.  "You know Nico wants Nishikino-san to herself.  She's _always_ telling us about her, after all."

 

"Mama, stop!"  Nico blushed and turned away from Maki sharply.  She began to walk towards the hallway, grabbing Maki's wrist and dragging her along.

 

As they passed the couch Nico's mother winked at Maki, who couldn't help but smile again.

 

"Did you girls get something to eat on the way home?"

 

"Yes!"  Nico called back.

 

Maki had decided that she was very fond of Mrs. Yazawa as Nico led her down a long hallway to her room.

 

"That woman..."  Nico grumbled.

 

She let go of Maki's hand as she stopped at a door.  She twisted the handle and pushed the door open.  Maki followed her inside.

 

"I'm going to take a shower.  Do you want to take one after me?"  Nico asked while hanging up her coat.

 

"Sure."

 

"Unless you'd like to join me?"

 

Maki felt her heart skip a beat.  She glanced at Nico who was looking at her over her shoulder.  She was putting on her oh-so-cute act, as if she was even more embarrassed by the idea.  It took Maki a moment to realize that Nico was struggling to keep the slyness from twisting her lips.

 

"Afterwards will be fine."  Maki deadpanned, praying that she had managed to keep the blush from her cheeks.

 

"Your loss."  Nico shrugged, breaking character suddenly.  She walked out of the room.

 

"Geez..."  Maki sighed.  She could feel the heat spread across her face now that Nico was gone.

 

While she was gone Maki poked around Nico's room, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

 

Nothing seemed out of place from what she expected concerning Nico's tastes.  Lots of pink and frills.  It was cute, boarding on saccharine.  Much like Nico, Maki thought.

 

There was a pristine framed photo on Nico's bedside table.  It was a snap Nozomi had taken of Maki, Nico, Umi and Kotori after their first live show as a full group.

 

Maki smiled at the memories the photo stirred.  The four of them had their arms around each other's shoulders.  Maki remembered the feeling of comradeship at that moment, it had been something fresh, pounding against her ribcage and overpowering her previous cynicism of the whole idol endeavour.  Most of all, in the midst of her friends and the aftermath of the show, she remembered feeling truly battle-tested.

 

They had faced their nerves and survived together. 

 

She put the photo down, making a mental note to ask Nico for a copy (she would probably sign it, despite Maki's protests).

 

A small acoustic guitar was leaning against the wall.  She picked it up and examined the instrument, strumming out a few chords.

 

There was a storage box in a corner of the room and Maki wandered over to it.  She opened a cardboard flap and glanced inside.  Another frame, stuffed down the side of the box, amongst various idol merchandise caught her eye.  She pulled it out.

 

This frame was broken and the glass cracked.  She slipped the photo out.  It was of Nico and two other girls she didn't recognize, all three were dressed up in costume but only Nico looked the part, the other two girls seemed to fade into the background.

 

She puzzled over the photo for a moment and then it hit her.  This was Nico's first idol group.  Nozomi had told them about Nico's earlier exploits last summer.

 

Maki wondered why Nico had kept the photo.  It had ended in failure and Nico seemed to have little patience for such things.  Maki herself had never held onto anything that was bad memento.  Why would anyone?  Discard it and be done.

 

But here it was, even if it was broken and hidden away.  It irked Maki but she couldn't quite say why.  Then she noticed something, the girl to Nico's right, a brunette.  She was looking at Nico rather than the camera.  Maki tried to decipher the look...  It was...

 

She must have been deliberating over the image for some time because the next thing she knew Nico plucked the photo out of her hands, dropping it back into the box and closing it up.

 

"As handsome as Nico was then, you've got the real deal now."  She winked at Maki.

 

Despite being startled, Maki couldn't help but notice how Nico looked a touch hollow as she spoke. 

 

But Maki played along, throwing out an easy smile in return.

 

Nico picked up the box.

 

"I'm going to put this away.  I'll show you to the bathroom on the way."

 

Maki obliged, following Nico out of the room.

 

As she walked behind her guide she notice that Nico seemed to jerk her body as she carried the weight of the box.  The usual bounce and swagger was absent.  It was as if she couldn't wait to be rid of it.

 

Nico stopped suddenly and Maki nearly walked into her.  She gestured to a door.

 

"I promise not to peek."  Nico smiled over her shoulder.  This time she looked a little fuller of herself.

 

********************

 

After showering Maki had changed back into her school uniform, glad to be free of her sweat-drenched training gear.

 

Nico was wearing a loose T-shirt and shorts that were rather too short and tight to be casual.  Maki wondered if they were for her benefit, she couldn't deny that Nico wore them well.  The thought brought a warm rush of blood to her cheeks.

 

Thankfully, Nico didn't notice, absorbed as she was by a video game screening through the small TV in the corner of the room.

 

Maki lounged on the bed, occasionally reaching out to play with Nico's hair.  Always amused when Nico growled a warning or bobbed her head, trying to evade her fingers.

 

"Shouldn't you be studying?"

 

"No."  Nico snapped.

 

"Your mother did entrust me with your tutelage.  It would be...  _remiss_ of me to let you waste the night."

 

"Then stay over."

 

That caught Maki off guard.  She sat up, looking down at Nico.

 

After a moment Nico paused the game and tuned to look at her.

 

"What?"

 

"Seriously?"

 

"It's Saturday tomorrow.  I have to go do that Halloween interview with Honoka and Rin but it's not until the afternoon.  What's the problem?"

 

"No problem..."

 

_What is the problem?_

"Worried about your curious hands?"  Nico suggested innocently.

 

"Oh, shut up."  Maki blurted.

 

She could be so crude.  Maki looked away but her eye strayed when Nico stood up and stretched.  She could see how toned Nico's thighs and calves were...  But they still looked soft to touch...

"Worried Nico might be a little bit too much woman for you?"  There was that goddamn smirk.  Like a shark fin edging the water's surface.

 

Maki knew she was on dangerous ground.  Lashing out would only make it worse.  Whenever Nico turned down this particular avenue of teasing it would either end with a blushing retreat or intimacy of the Nico persuasion.

 

"You?  T-too much?"  Maki's attempt at being derisive wasn't convincing anyone, least of all herself.

 

Nico sauntered over towards her.

 

"T-t-t-t-too much?"  Nico mimicked softly, drawing out each syllable as she planted her hands firmly on her hips and leaned towards Maki.

 

"Stop it."  But the words barely left Maki's lips, let alone with any conviction.

 

Nico moved forward, putting her knees on the bed and straddling Maki.  In a rare turn of events she looked down upon the redhead.

 

"Are you going to stop teasing me in practise?"

 

"I...  I'm not..."

 

"Really?  You didn't lean _all over me_ while I was stretching the other day?"

 

Maki couldn't say anything, she couldn't speak.  She had never felt this flustered in her life.

 

"That's a shame.  I thought it was cute."

 

"But I thought you wanted me to stop!"  It came out before Maki could stop herself.

 

"So you admit it?"  Nico gave her a peck on the cheek.

 

Maki moaned, first at her predicament and then at the spark that Nico's lips set off.

 

"Stay over."  Nico whispered in her ear, her breath hot with a promise.

 

Maki knew that her face was probably the same shade of red as her hair by now.  What could she do?  Did she want to do anything?

 

"But...  Your..."  Clutching at straws.

 

"I already told her you were sleeping over."

 

_Why would you want this to stop?_

"I'd have to... ask..."  It was getting hard to breathe steadily now.

 

"So ask."

 

As if she were Nico's marionette, she reached into the pocket of her jacket on the bed and fished out her phone.  She looked down at the screen and then up at Nico. 

 

The way their eyes met.  Nico was only looking at her.  Out of everyone in the whole world.

 

She gulped and looked back down at her phone, tapping through the options to get to her mother's number.  After another deep breath she dialled.

 

As much as a part of her might want this to continue, to see where it really led, the rational side of Maki knew it would end here.

 

The call clicked in...

 

"Ah, Maki.  I got your text earlier.  Are you having fun with Nico?"

 

_What a question..._

"Y-yes, t-thank-you."  Her voice was cracking.  Nico was ruining her hands up and down her sides.

 

"Are you okay?"  Oh god, she was giving it away.

 

_Pull it together, Maki.  Just for a minute and then it doesn't matter._

 

"Yes.  Yes, I'm fine.  Nico-chan just invited me to stay over...  Is...  That...  Errr..."

 

There was a pause for a few moments. 

_Here it comes._

 

"Oh, sorry.  I didn't realize how late it was.  Yes, of course.  That sounds like a good idea.  I trust you've checked with Mrs. Yazawa?"

 

Her heart skipped a beat for the second time that night.

 

"Wait, wha..."

 

Maki looked up and realised that Nico was close enough to hear the conversation.  She was beaming a smile down upon her.

 

"I mean, yes.  It's fine.  She said it was fine.  Nico asked earlier..."  She was babbling.  How was this happening?

 

"That's wonderful.  Maki...  I don't want to bore you with this now but I'm really glad you're socializing more lately."

 

_You can't be really hearing this._

"You know your father and I have always been so proud of how studious you are.  But I've always worried you were lonely...  Really.  But you seem to have made so many good friends in high school now.  It's important."

 

Maki didn't know what to say.  Thankfully, her mother changed tone back abruptly.

 

"Do you want me to send the driver for you tomorrow?"

 

"No...  It's okay.  I'll make my own way back.  By midday."

 

"Ok.  Well, let me know if anything changes.  Have fun."

 

The connection clicked off as her mother hung up.

 

"Well..."  Nico whispered.  "It looks like I get you all to myself."

 

Nico had poked a finger between two buttons on the chest of her school shirt.  The tip of her finger touched the lace of Maki's bra.  She tapped the skin above and Maki was sure her heartbeat was beginning to follow the pattern.

 

"Maki?"

 

Maki looked up at Nico but her mouth was far too dry to form any words.

 

"You're my _girlfriend_ and I've asked you to _stay over_."

 

Maki couldn't quite comprehend what Nico was saying but she nodded slightly anyway.  It seemed like the best she could do right now.

 

Nico took Maki's hands, placing one on her hip and the other on her ass.

 

"So you're allowed to cop a feel."

 

Maki jolted so much at the touch she practically jumped to her feet.  But Nico countered, leaning forward, pushing Maki back down against the bed.

 

Maki could only look up, helpless as Nico hovered over her.  She smiled a sweet smile and Maki could only think of one thing.

 

_Predator._

It wasn't an unpleasant thought.

 

Nico kissed her, lightly on the lips and then pulled back, giving a theatrical roll of her eyes.

 

"Luckily for you, Nico is very patient with pretty girls."  She pulled back, bringing Maki with her.

 

"It's not like you've done this before."  Maki finally found her voice as she sat up.

 

Nico shrugged and kissed her neck.

 

Rational Maki would have hooked onto the fact that Nico didn't say _that's right_ or _I haven't_ but rational Maki tended to wilt in the face of Nico's sugar rush.

 

Instead, all she could do was moan.  Perhaps a little too loudly this time.

 

"Looks like I am too much woman for you."

 

Nico smiled again and Maki could see those pearly whites baring down at her. 

 

Then they disappeared behind Nico's lips.

 

"Yeah, R-right."

 

Nico laughed and ran a hand through Maki's hair.

 

"It's getting late.  I suppose I don't have the time to prove you wrong tonight." 

 

********************

 

Later, as only a shaft of moonlight shining through the window illuminated the room, they laid in each other's arms.

 

Maki was still awake.  Looking at Nico's sleeping face brought back from the past few weeks. 

 

Something deep inside her, for as long as she knew; brick-by-brick it was crumbling.  It scared her, but the fear was something she wanted to embrace when it looked like Nico.

 

Her ponderous mood was interrupted by Nico's soft snoring.  It kind of sounded like she was saying her own name.

 

Maki had to stifle her laughter.  She reached for her phone on the bedside table.  She flicked the lock screen off, opened the camera and clicked record.

 

Nico woke up after a few moments, perhaps a sixth sense that she was being filmed.

 

"What are you doing?"  She murmured.

 

"Nothing."  Maki replied, quickly hiding her phone.

 

Nico yawned and even that, Maki found adorable.

 

"Be honest?"  Nico inquired.

 

"What?"

 

"Do you like being with me?"

 

Maki recognized that vulnerability again from the flicker she had caught before.

 

"More than anything."  She answered immediately.

 

"That's good..."  Nico's eyes were already closing.  "Being my #1 fan and all..."

 

"Don't forget apprentice as well."

 

Nico hummed her agreement as she pulled Maki close.


	8. Sadness Is A Blessing

Nico wandered through the crowded Akiba Halloween-decked streets alone.

 

After performing earlier in the day and the various press duties that came afterwards the girls had decided to explore the festivities on offer.  After spending just enough time with the others so that her absence wasn't immediately felt Nico had slipped away.

 

Occasionally someone who had watched μ's performance earlier would stop Nico for a photo or an autograph.  Normally she was more than happy to provide either of these, she was self-aware enough to knew it fed her ego but that wasn't so very terrible, was it?

 

However, this evening it felt like a chore.  Whenever anyone stopped her she had drag a smile or pose out of her back pocket.  And _drag_ was the appropriate word, she could feel her teeth grind with every smile.  It should be instant, Nico Nico-Ni in a flash.  Instead it had to be considered or even worse; _remembered_. 

 

It just wasn't clicking and she wasn't sure why.  And if Nico didn't know why then you knew it was a serious problem.

 

By all accounts today had been a success.  After running in circles all week trying to prepare for the live performance they had pulled it together on the day and nailed it.

 

The way in which they had come together contradicted Nico's worst fears for μ's.  They hadn't cracked under pressure, instead showing resourcefulness and a tight group bond.  These were both pretty high on the Nico Yazawa idol pyramid of success.  Or the base.  Whichever was most important.  Or maybe the sun?

 

Still, after the initial rush of the performance passed she been plagued by unease. 

 

Walking alone, she attempted to rationalize her mood but in all honesty she couldn't pick out anything that was bringing her down.  On the contrary, much like the people around her she should be celebrating, it was all coming up Nico.

 

Nico came to a stop.  Looking around at everyone else enjoying the festival only deepened her sense of isolation.  The familiar chill of loneliness came in on the autumn breeze. 

 

_What am I missing?_

 

Maki had text her twice.  More than once meant possible armageddon but Nico knew she wouldn't be good company for her right now. 

 

She would apologize later.  That would require a performance itself.

 

A hand touched her shoulder in a light but very familiar way.  She turned to see someone...  A girl she had spent the last two years trying to forget, but just lately had crept into her thoughts every now and again.

 

"Hey!  I saw you earlier.  You were great, Nico.  Even better than you used to be, way better than we were."

 

"Thanks."  But the word barely left Nico's lips.  She turned her back, keen to be as rude as possible, and swiftly walked away.

 

Regarding that encounter, you might think Nico was being too vague or be suspicious that she was hiding something.

 

Perhaps you would accuse her of acting very Maki-ish (something Nico was actively wary of since Maki would be the first person to call her on it, because apparently she didn't understand irony) but you would be wrong.

 

All wrong.

 

It didn't matter.  So there.

 

But Nico would forgive you because everyone makes mistakes.

 

In her haste she nearly walked into Kotori, who was leaning against a barrier railing at the edge of the sidewalk.  She was staring out into the road.  A procession of cosplayers were passing by but Nico could see Kotori was looking right through them.

 

Kotori still hadn't noticed her, Nico could escape into the crowd if she wanted.

 

But the faraway look in friend's eyes concerned, it was a familiar look lately.

 

"Hey."   

 

Nothing.

 

"Hey."  A little louder.

 

Still nothing.

 

"Hey!"

 

Okay, she only had herself to blame for this.

 

Nico perched up on her tip-toes, deepened her voice and whispered into Kotori's ear.  "Kotori-chan, onigai _-shimasu_."

Kotori squeaked and hopped away from Nico.

 

"Hey."  Nico couldn't help but grin at how flustered Kotori was.

 

"O-oh...  Nico-chan."

 

"The one and only."

 

Kotori took a moment to compose herself before leaning back on the railing.

 

"Sorry.  I was just..."

 

Nico joined her, watching as more of the Halloween parade passed by.

 

"Just?"  Nico prompted.

 

Kotori took a few moments to answer and frankly, it wasn't worth the wait.

 

"I don't know."

 

Yeah, that seemed about right.  However, since Nico had been kind enough to share her delightful company with Kotori she really could stand to offer a little bit more.

 

"Come on, spit it out.  Just say the first thing that comes to mind."

 

Kotori hesitated, then visibility struggled with whatever it was that popped into her head.  Then came a faint blush, and after that she went back to aimlessly staring out into the street, what was by now becoming a staple of this conversation.

 

It was like a one-man theatre show.  Nico had spent enough late nights stitching and sewing with Kotori to get a read of this routine.

 

"Now I really want to know."  Nico commented.

 

"Nico-chan...  I can't..."

 

"So, Umi, huh?"

 

"W-what...  No, that's not..."

 

"Sure, sure."  Nico interrupted.  "But let's say that's what it's about, because it is and there's no point trying to hide it from Nico."  She gave Kotori her best smile to soften the blow.

 

"Honestly, it's not..."

 

"Was Maki like this about me?"

 

"About you?"

 

"Nothing.  So?  So?"  Nico prompted once more with rapid-fire pokes so Kotori couldn't ignore her, though she did try.

 

It took a few moments and sighs (and more pokes) but eventually it came out.

 

"I just...  I can't pretend anymore."  Kotori was struggling to drag the words out.

 

"That's you're not in love with Umi.  Because you are in love with Umi?"

 

Nico's bluntness was too much for Kotori.  She looked like she was going to pass out, then came a wild look around for an escape route through the crowd before settling for leaning over the railing and staring down at the asphalt beyond.

 

Nico really had admire the multi-layered performance.  Showing, not telling and all that.

 

_Aren't you going a bit far?  Even for you?  Why?_

Looking at Kotori, Nico knew that she was pushing too hard.  And sadly, she could guess why.  The reason had passed her by just a few minutes ago.

 

"Sorry...  But is this why you've been walking around half-awake lately?"  Nico tried to console, placing a firm hand on her friend's shoulder.

 

"Yes."  She said it _so_ quietly.  Nico wondered if it was the first time she had really said it.  Probably.  Nico had this affect on people.

 

"I don't know...  Anything.  How to say it.  What to do.  I can ignore it sometimes, but when I see her I feel like I'm in full collapse."  There was harder undertone of desperation to Kotori's voice the longer she spoke.

 

Nico was a very understanding person and this was no different.  People closed themselves off in different ways. 

 

Maki was hard, a shell you had to crack open before you could win her over with tenderness. 

 

Other people...  They could just be so clueless and dense (Umi, Nico guessed.  And Maki). 

 

...And others.  They didn't have anything hard to beat against, they were...  Well, like Nico said earlier, it didn't matter.  And this concerned Umi.  Geez, it's not always about Nico.

 

"We're just going to have to make it super obvious.  Something she can't ignore.  Like a challenge."

 

"A challenge..?"  Kotori looked up.

 

"Umi's, like, A samurai, yeah?"

 

"A samurai?"

 

"Yeah, you know, the dojo.  Dying for honour and all that stuff."

 

"Her family runs a dojo.  She practices archery."

 

"Right, ronin and all that."    

 

"No, that's not..."

 

"Sure it is."  Nico grabbed Kotori's hand.  "So how about I challenge her for your fair hand?  She couldn't let something like that go.  Of course, I would have to lose...  I'm not very good at that...  But for my dear friend..."  She turned the theatrics on.

 

Kotori began to laugh despite herself.  Her eyes seemed a little clearer.

 

"Maybe I'll challenge her myself."

 

Nico gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

 

"Maybe leave it to the real samurai."  She said dryly.

 

"I'm beginning to get an idea of how you charmed Maki."  Kotori said in-between chuckles.

 

"W-what do you mean?"

 

Kotori shot her a look.

 

"Nozomi..."  Nico muttered.

 

"I actually saw you, the other morning in the park."

 

"I thought you missed us..."  Nico sighed.

 

"I was trying to!"  Kotori replied with a laugh.  "...And then Nozomi told me as well."  She added quickly.

 

Nico cracked her knuckles.  That was a punch in the face, ready and waiting.

 

"How...  How did you do it?"  Kotori asked, barely above a whisper.

 

"How did I _do_ Maki?"  That got a blush.  At least she could speak freely about it now.

 

"Like you implied earlier, I'm a very charming person."  Nico continued.

 

"Really?"  Kotori enquired. 

 

Nico was aghast.

 

" _Darling,_ you know full-well I'm..."  Nico turned to meet young fan who had just approached the duo.  "...Nico Nico-Ni!"

 

Now, if she could just feel the conviction she said it with.

 

The pitfall of being such a convincing actress, Nico supposed.

 

********************

 

School days.  They wouldn't last forever.  Not such a big deal right now.

 

Nico stared at the green and blue-stripped third-year ribbon because she didn't want to look at her face.  She knew its angles and texture well, she would probably never forget them.  But she wanted to and she didn't want to look at them now. 

 

Unfortunately, some people just can't take a hint.

 

"It's just since I've seen you guys doing so well...  It made me think..."

 

"That must have been painful."  Nico noted.

 

Ignored or trying to.  "...That, well, I...  Sorry I set you back."

 

_Are you going to stand here and listen to this drivel?_

" _Us guys_ are doing well because we _put in the work_."

 

Silence.  That's better. 

 

Take a deep breath. 

 

Now to just walk away.

 

"You probably don't remember how that works...  Sorry, I mean _don't know_ how that works _._ "  Nico couldn't hold it in.

 

_So much for walking away._

The error came when she looked up from the ribbon for a moment and saw those dull stupid eyes and...

 

_You used to get lost within them._

 

Nico stepped towards her.  Only a few people could inspire this intensity of feeling, one way or the other.

 

"You don't get to tell me how I'm doing or how my friends are doing.  _What you think_ doesn't matter to me.  It used to and now it doesn't.  _Because of you._ "

 

How could she make it any clearer?

 

She couldn't.

 

Then why did it still hurt after all this time?

 

...Is what a normal person ask.  Not Nico, she was A-okay.

 

To prove it to herself she turned and walked away without looking back.

 

She turned a corner and practically walked into Maki. 

 

She paused for a moment and then guessed, judging from Maki's solemn expression, that she had witnessed what had just happened.

 

"Were you watching?  Listening in?"  Nico asked, immediately regretting the accusation in her voice.

 

"Yes."  At least she wasn't going to draw this out.

 

"Why?"  Still, Nico snapped.

 

_Stop._

"Would you have wanted me to walk in on that?"

 

Nico sighed.  She really couldn't argue with that even though a part of her wanted to try, just to blow off some stream.

 

_Bury it._

 

"Help me out?"

 

"How?"

 

"Just don't ask me about it."  Nico felt the weight of what she was asking.

 

The weariness in her in own voice told Nico that she hadn't walked away as quite the high-and-mighty victor she'd thought she had.

 

"Okay."  Nico could see the concern, the questions un-asked in Maki's eyes.

 

"Thank-you.  Really, thanks."

 

They started walking towards the club-room.

 

In an attempt to apologize for being curt, Nico took Maki's hand in her own.  She immediately felt Maki's arm go stiff in resistance.

 

Nico knew why.  They were in school and it was lunch break.  Everyone who Nozomi hadn't told was just waiting to catch a glimpse of them to confirm.

 

Nico let go.  But her hand didn't feel right in the sway of her walk, as if she were forever leaning off-balance.

 

"I missed you this morning."  Maki murmured.

 

Not enough to touch me in public, Nico thought.  She had missed Maki as well, she just didn't want to admit it right now.

 

Still tired for the weekend's Halloween celebration, they had both left for school at a more regular time, and though they tried to meet up along the way Nico had ended up getting onto a train she thought Maki was already on.  It had gone on from there.

 

When she had arrived at the station near Otonokizaka it hadn't really felt worth waiting just to walk a few minutes.

 

"Sorry."  Nico said quickly, after realising that she hadn't said anything for a minute.

 

They arrived at the clubroom without another word.  The silence hung heavy upon Nico but she couldn't bring herself to break it.  She glanced at Maki from time-to-time but she was clearly keeping her eyes locked ahead.

 

_This isn't her fault._

And she knew it to.  She didn't want to take it out on Maki.

 

It was just that certain someone and the memories they brought with them.  The sense that she wasn't really who she thought she was.

 

Nico wanted to tell Maki.  It just wasn't that simple.  And it didn't matter anyway. 

 

Because the past was the past and Nico's a girl of the present.

She held the door open for Maki as she walked in and was rewarded with a fine smile.  It was enough that Nico felt her mood lighten just a bit.

 

Eli, Rin and Hanayo were the only ones there yet.  Rin and Hanayo were sat at the table, eating lunch while Eli was stood at the back of the room.  They all looked up as Nico and Maki entered, greeting them.

 

After some small talk Nico, being an ever-gracious club president, offered to get some drinks from the vending machine.

 

Though most generous it did not turn out be one of her better ideas.

 

By the time she returned to the clubroom Maki was staring daggers at her.  Rin and Hanayo were decidedly _not_ looking at her or Maki while preparing to duck under the table at a moment's notice.

 

Eli was looking at her.  Her eyes spoke of an apology and Nico could probably guess why.

 

Now, let's just put things into perspective. 

 

Whatever Nico did ( _and_ whatever she didn't do, because let's be honest, Maki said some pretty stupid things that Nico let go.  Believing in Santa, anyone?  Really) was for the greater good.  Both her's _and_ Maki's _._   If that isn't being selfless then what is?  Your guess is as good as Nico's.

 

"You liar!"  Maki snapped.

 

"How dare you.  How dare you!"  Nico slammed the cans she had bought for her ' _friends_ ' down on the table.  "Nico cannot stand here and allow you to call her that..."

 

"Eli doesn't know anything about a competition.  You made it up!  You made the whole thing up!" Maki interrupted.

 

"Well...  Well, that's..."  She glared at Eli.  _Really_ , couldn't she have played along.  That's the problem with these blondes.

 

"N-no.  I just forgot..."  Eli certainly wasn't fooling anyone.

 

"Is that so?"  Maki threw a piercing glance her way.

 

Great job, Eli.  But at least it bought Nico time.

 

"I made it up because I knew you needed motivation."  Nico interjected coolly.  "And as your dance coach it was up to me to motivate you.  I wanted to give you a goal, that was all."

 

Maki turned back to her and hesitated, a sharp retort on the tip of her tongue.  She couldn't quite argue with Nico's logic.  Especially with all that had happened since. 

 

Nico knew that she had her hooked, now just to reel her in gently...

 

"My, my!  Nicocchi.  Did you get caught out _lying_?"

 

Every time Nico heard that voice she died a little inside. 

 

Nozomi strode into the room, taking a drink _that wasn't hers_ , and waved to Eli before joining her by the window.

 

"Nicocchi..."  Nozomi tutted as she pulled the ring and pushed the tab on the can down.  " _Again?_ "  She added with a frown.

 

"What?  What do you mean 'again'?"  Maki picked up on Nozomi immediately.

 

"Don't listen to her!"  Nico warned but Maki wasn't looking at her anymore so she walked up and grabbed Maki, forcing her to meet her gaze.

 

"DO NOT listen to Eli's hypothetical girlfriend."  Nico was trying hard to keep her voice level.

 

"My hypoth...  What?  That's...  Crazy"  Eli glanced at Nozomi and then looked away quickly.  She tried to laugh but failed.

 

While momentarily amusing for the rest of the room it brought a look to Nozomi's face that Nico recognized all too well. 

 

Nozomi eyed Maki and smiled.

 

_Brace yourself._

"Nicocchi was telling us that you two are an item now after all of that _extra practise_.  That's not true, is it?"  Nozomi inquired.

 

How did she say these things and keep a straight-face?  Nico wondered.

 

Maki didn't know where to look, her blush was deeper than her hair.  For a moment Nico thought she was going to pass out.

 

"Remember when she said that, Rin?"

 

They _all_ looked at Rin.  She cowered beneath their eyes, desperately glancing at Hanayo for help.

 

Nico willed Rin with her eyes for anything.  Literally anything.  Just don't make it worst.

 

It was at that moment Honoka, Umi and Kotori arrived, pausing in the doorway.

 

"W-w-what?  That's...  Haha...  That's not wha...  Nico didn't say that."  Rin was desperately trying to find a coherent sentence.  "She only said that she was secretly in love..." 

 

"Rin, no!"  Hanayo screamed, covering Rin's mouth with her hands.  

 

_Well, that was a false hope._

 

Nico grimaced and glanced over at Maki.  Her blush seemed to have gone in reverse, now she looked incredibly pale.  She seemed to be struggling for air, her breaths coming in short rasps. 

 

"What is going on here?"  Umi interjected tactlessly.

 

"Club business, genius."  Nico snapped.

 

"I think we should just all be honest with each other.  Sure, it can be embarrassing but we're all friends."  Nozomi appealed to the room with an admirable level of sincerity given that she was the cause of this stand-off.   

 

What the hell, Nico thought.  She owed Nozomi anyway.  So she let her fists fly.

 

After landing a blow or two Nico chased Nozomi as she shrieked and ran behind Eli, holding her out and turning her around like a shield between her and her aggressor.

 

"No one ever solved their problems through violence!"  Nozomi cried.

 

"Maki, go around and get her on the other side!"  Nico shouted.

 

Maki hesitated but if there was one thing Nico knew about her girlfriend, she was never shy when the moment called for aggression.  She just needed a little push.

 

"She told Kotori about us as well!"  That was the trigger.  A sudden squeak from Kotori confirmed it.

 

That oh-so-familiar Nishikino battle-cry was the sweetest sound she had ever heard.

 

*********************

 

They were meant to be training late that afternoon but Nico stood alone on the rooftop.  At this point she wasn't holding much faith that Maki would show up.

 

It wasn't a big deal. 

 

Nozomi had just made it sound like Nico had taken advantage of Maki.  That sweet, innocent Nico was even capable of being so underhanded...  How could anyone believe it?  If she did then Maki really ought to feel ashamed of herself. 

 

In fact, she owed Nico an apology.  Frankly, Nico shouldn't have shown up this afternoon.  It should be Maki who was standing here waiting alone.

 

Ultimately, Nico knew that this was another case of her all-too forgiving nature being her downfall.

 

What to do?  What to do?

 

"Hey."  Maki called as she opened the rooftop door, breaking Nico's chain of thought.

 

"Oh, I didn't think you were coming."  Nico turned up her nose and looked away.

 

"Sorry, I just got held back a few minutes."  Maki gave her a bewildered look as she strode over.

 

Nico covertly glanced at her watch and realized she may been a little bit premature with her earlier conclusion.  It was barely five minutes past when they had agreed to meet.

 

"I'm sorry that punctuality means a lot to me."  Nico threw it out in a haughty tone, still refusing to look at Maki.

 

Maki dumped her bag on the floor and rolled her eyes.  She walked over to Nico and threw her arms around her, embracing her from behind and pulling their bodies flush.

 

"Wha-What are you doing!?"  Nico yelped in surprise.

 

Nico squirmed and struggled as she tried to escape Maki's grasp, but it only caused the redhead to laugh.

 

"Let me go!" 

 

"Why should I?"

 

"Because I said so!"

 

She tried to kick out backwards at Maki but her feet couldn't reach because...  It didn't matter why she couldn't reach.

 

"Really?  You've just been so quiet the last few days.  Maybe I didn't hear you the first time."  Maki teased. 

 

"Well I'm telling you now.  Get off me!"

 

"But you're always touching me, trying to embarrass me.  Is it so wrong to want to do the same as my _senpai_?"

 

She thought she was so clever.  Nico was struggling to keep her temper in check. 

 

"Nico didn't think Maki permitted touching in public."  She glowered.

 

Maki chuckled.  "You are in _such_ a mood today.  What's wrong?"

 

"Maybe Nico just has high standards and nobody is meeting them."

 

"What does that mean?"

 

_What does that mean?_

Nico ceased her struggles, remaining rigid but _just slightly_ letting herself enjoy the feeling of Maki's body against her's.

 

"It doesn't matter."  Nico snapped.

 

"It does matter."

 

Nico could feel Maki's breath of the nape of her neck.  The sensation distracted her even though she _wanted_ to fight back.

 

"That girl you were talking to.  She was in that photo, wasn't she?"

 

"No." 

 

"She hurt you."

 

"No!"

 

That _wasn't_ true.  Maki didn't know what she was talking about.  Nico knew she needed to change the subject.  Anything but this.  It wasn't a question of her holding her temper back anymore, she just _did not_ want to talk about this.

 

"You're so nosy, Maki-chan.  I didn't think you would even turn up after horrible Nozomi made such...  Scandalous accusations about Nico."  She teased and then grumbled, managing to pull herself back together.

 

"I did consider it.  But I wanted to hear your side of the story."  Maki replied, whispering into Nico's ear.

 

The feeling of Maki's lips just _barely_ brushing against her earlobe made her shudder.

 

"Obviously Nico is innocent."

 

"Really?  That's a shame."

 

"W-what?  What did you say?"

 

"Then I guess it's an end to these sessions of ours."

 

Nico knew she was being taunted but she felt precarious.  She was on the edge of something and it was time to dive in or runaway.

 

"I just wanted to ask; honestly, why did you agree to teach me?"  Maki prompted.

 

"To help you get better."  Nico could hear the unease in her own voice.  Suddenly she couldn't remember how to hide it.

 

"Was that all?  It's been a while since we started and I'm much better thanks to you."  Maki kissed her neck very lightly and Nico had suppress a groan.  She was barely hanging on when Maki continued.  "Why keep going?  _We both know you've done what you said you would._ "

 

_Oh no._

 

"Because..."  Nico desperately wanted a way out of this.  She had whole new level of empathy for Rin.

 

"Because?"  Maki's voice reverberated with in her head.

 

_Let it go._

 

"I wanted to keep you to myself." 

 

She sounded so stupid saying it, hated herself for being reduced to this.

 

"I was thinking about what you did for me, since the first time you sat down next to me at the piano.  Everyday I saw you, I started thinking that it really was fate.  But..."  Maki started, keeping her voice even.

 

She felt like the child everyone thought she was.  She couldn't do anything but gush out the truth when she needed to keep it together.

 

She shuddered as Maki's fingers brushed against the back of her neck.

 

"...But since you kissed me I started to realize that my girlfriend is far too crafty to leave things to chance."

 

Nico felt herself being turned around by Maki, she couldn't resist and when she looked into those violet eyes she felt overwhelmed.

 

"Too sweet as well.  Too pretty.  Too _caring_ to let someone else ache."

 

When she looked deeply in Maki's eyes it reminded of losing herself in someone else so long ago.  But this was different.  It was here and now. 

 

Like singing and dancing again after so long, it all came back to her. 

 

Suddenly it all made sense.

 

Was this what Maki felt like when she had kissed her for the first time?  To be prised open by someone, at first by force but then in the most tender way.  It hurt but only because she was afraid that it could be fleeting.

 

When Maki pressed her lips against hers the world seemed to lose all rhyme and reason beyond the person before her.

   

She tried to speak but she couldn't form any words.

 

And the feeling of Maki's lips covering her own made anything she could say insignificant.

 

Finally, when they pulled themselves just barely apart from each other, Maki had the widest smile that Nico had ever seen.

 

"You didn't think I had this in me."  She taunted.  "You thought 'Maki would be too embarrassed even if she did figure it out', didn't you?"

 

"I just figured you would be too dense to unravel the extent of my affections."  Luckily, Nico found her voice before Maki got too cocky.

 

"Let's just be glad I got there eventually."  Maki relented with an easy smile.

 

Nico could feel herself going limp, her legs felt like rubber.  She sat down, dragging Maki with her. 

 

For a while, as the sun set behind them, they just sat beside one another, looking only at each other.  Their eyes spoke in a different language, one neither much experience in within this context but the conviction was there to try.

 

Up until that moment in her life Nico had always felt that her greatest moments would always turn out to be her greatest defeats one day.  Reaching for her dreams would in time become twisted into something that would poison her slowly.

 

Her first year, the thrill and subsequent failure of her initial attempt to become an idol.  First love and the girl who had wounded her so with a lack of conviction.  Joining μ's and beginning to believe again.  Having friends again.  Last summer when μ's had teetered towards collapse and then rebirth.  The moment's she had spent alone with Maki in the music room.

 

They had started out so brightly but had dimmed in time, becoming bittersweet because Nico, whether she admitted it to herself or not, had been living her life under a creed of burden:  Things fall apart.

 

But in this moment, looking into Maki's eyes, having exposed and been exposed in return, she knew that this would forever be a memory she cherished.  The joy was at once too palpable and too deep to ever fade or deviate from its genesis.

 

When Maki spoke Nico couldn't help but feel the contours of her voice were meant only for her.

 

"Will you still teach me?"  She asked.

 

"I guess someone has to."  Nico sighed.

 

"I suppose that someone has to be you."


	9. Tonight

**-** **7:00 PM** **-**

 

The silence felt heavy.  Oppressive even.

 

It was Saturday night and Maki's parents were out, not back until tomorrow, so she took the opportunity to use the piano in her mother's study.

 

Her fingers itched, tapping lightly on the keys without making a sound.  Lately it had been seeping into the back of her mind.  An undercurrent to her thoughts. 

 

Maki looked through the high-arched french doors next to the piano.  The night seemed endlessly deep and dark.

 

_You have to start somewhere._

 

This music.  She had put it aside since...  Well, since her first kiss.  Elusive but _there_.  One sense of clarity in otherwise hazy dreams, stalking her steps.

 

Perhaps she would never finish this piece.  Perhaps this would be the one all her musical endeavours ended with.

 

Looking around, it seemed like the perfect setting.  Her mother's study was a looming reflection of her own fate.  Dusty instruments spanned one wall like relics from a forgotten youth, dragged to a home that would become their tomb. 

 

The wide corner desk was the only lived-in part of the room.  Populated by scattered medical files and records, charts and books opened on forgotten pages.

 

 _Brushing up._   That was what her always mother called it.

 

When had the piano's owner last brushed up her skills here?  Maki wondered.

 

Occasionally, late at night, she could sometimes hear the keys emanating from this room.  She would creep through the hallways to listen outside of the door, holding fast to the light that leaked out from underneath the door.

 

But it always stopped by the time Maki arrived and it never came back no matter how long she waited, until the point where she began to wonder if the piano had ever been played at all.

 

It was a Chopin piece her mother played, she was sure about that.  Something she could recall hearing regularly as a child, Berceuse or Barcarolle perhaps.  She missed it dearly, the fidelity of her memories could never quite revive the thrill of hearing her mother play.

 

Was that _growing up_?  Maki's mother had told her once that her father had been the same.  It was half-said and she quickly changed the subject but Maki had always wondered since what passion her father had perused before the heritage of his name had consumed him.

 

It was who Maki would become as well.  It was her future-elect and she tried to think about it as little as possible. 

 

Less these days.   

 

Maki's phone vibrated on the table beside the piano, snapping her back to the moment.  She glanced down at the lit screen displaying a message.

 

 **Nico:** _~Nico♫~_

 

That was it.

 

Maki sighed but she could see her own smile reflected in the glass doors.

 

She waited for a minute and sure enough, it came.

 

 **Nico:** _~Nico Nico♫~_

 

 **Maki:** _What do you want?_

 

 **Nico:** _Nothing._

 

That sounded about right, Maki thought.  Though grudgingly, she would admit Nico's timing was impeccable when it came to offering a distraction.

 

 **Nico:** _Nico was just thinking about Maki, wondering what you were doing?_

 

 **Maki:** _Just thinking._

 

 **Nico:** _About what?_

**Maki:** _Me._

 

 **Nico:**   _Me too!_

 

Maki laughed despite herself, the dourness evaporating from her mind.

 

Next to Nico's name on the message page was a small photo Maki had assigned to her contact.  She clicked on it to enlarge the picture. 

 

It was a photo Nico had taken of herself on Maki's phone.  Maki wasn't sure when she had been distracted enough for Nico to do this but the sheer volume of selfies was overwhelming evidence that there had been ample opportunity.

 

She was striking one of her many idol poses (they each had a name, Maki couldn't quite remember this one, maybe _hyper_ _Tokyo_ _girl -_ don't ask) and was smiling _so_ intensely.  Maki wasn't sure if it was self-parody, perhaps that was why she found it so endearing, because Nico was...

 

 **Nico:** _~Nico♫~_

 

...Impatient.  You had to take the bad with the good.

 

She looked back down at the piano, keys longing for a Nishikino's touch, willing to settle for the apprentice in the absence of their old master.

 

 **Maki:** _Working on some music._

 

Maki sat down and played a few notes, letting them ring out and reverberate around the room.  Her hands felt a little lighter now.

 

 **Nico:** _For muse?_

 

Was it for μ's?  Maki honestly wasn't sure.

 

Most of the time when she wrote music it was a melody, passage or a signature that she would come back to.  Then, when she had a tone, perhaps from the lyrics or a group suggested theme, she would bring it altogether.

 

This was different.  The answer had to come from within.  Or...  The only other person who could help was the subject who inspired it.

 

Maki recalled a conversation with Nico sometime ago, when Maki had said that she was writing songs for the third-years.  It had been in one of their training camps, and after a frustrating days work with little to show, Maki had really just said it to be a martyr for her own cause.  Nico had called her bluff and said that every song they made was for everyone.

 

Looking back, Maki realized that was the moment she began to fall for Nico.  She _really_ began to see how die-hard Nico was about being an idol, it wasn't a pretence or a fantasy.  It was what she believed, ingrained in how she lived.

 

In that context Nico had been right but Maki knew that some music was forever intertwined with an individual, too esoteric for the majority.  Often there was just two people; the musician and the person they wanted to speak to in their own uncertain and unstable language.

 

 **Maki:** _No._

 

She felt better for having at least tried to rationalize the origins of these sounds but it didn't seem to hint at where to go next.  She stared hard at the keys. 

 

_Why does it leave you so unsatisfied?_

 

 **Nico:** _Is it for me?_

Now wasn't that a question.  The pertinent one, certainly.

 

She had started writing it under Nico's gaze during their lunchtimes together.  They seemed a world away now and Maki couldn't say why or when she had started exactly.  She had just...  Wanted to talk to Nico.  Wanted a way to remember those moments alone with her.

 

Maki's fingers typed in a message.  Then she hesitated before deleting it.  She wrote half of it again but paused, the tips of her fingers leaving blurs across the touch screen, obscuring her thoughts.

 

Then she sent it.

 

 **Maki:** _I know it's late but my parents aren't back until tomorrow.  Do you want to stay over?_

 

Maki took a deep breath as she saw the little tick that meant the message had been read appear.  It seemed to click as read in her own mind as well.

 

_Great idea.  This won't backfire._

 

Here?  Here of all places?  She _had_ to keep this place Nico-free because it was one thing for Nozomi (well...) or Rin (Hanayo would take care of that) to know about them it but it was another fucking thing for her parents to have even the faintest suspicion.

 

Maki looked at her phone.  Still no reply.

 

Now she was torn between the relief and fear of Nico dismissing the idea. 

 

Maki hopelessly tried to click on the message in a desperate attempt to delete it _from a live conversation._

The best case scenario now was Nico just thinking she was...  What?  Too eager?  Over-excited?  Clingy?  Obsessive?  Couldn't even spent an night without her now?

 

_No._

Maki took a deep breath and sat up straight.

 

No, Nico wouldn't think any of those things.  Because she wouldn't have taken it that way if Nico had asked her.  She would have politely declined while making it known how appreciative of the offer she was.

 

Maki had no doubt that Nico would do the same.

 

In her own time.

 

No rush.  When it was convenient.

 

********************

 

 **-** **8:30 PM** **-**

 

Maki grinded through a few sections, re-writing a few lines.  Only minor refinements here and there but it was something.

 

And she was pleased about having not sat around waiting for Nico's reply.  Because she wasn't. 

 

In fact, having lost track of time so thoroughly, Maki was startled when her phone finally sounded off with a reply.

 

 **Nico:**   _Sorry for the late reply.  That's a very kind offer for Nico._

 

_Okay.  Okay.  No problem.  She's on the same page._

 

 **Maki:** _It was just a spur of the moment idea.  I didn't really think you would want to.  I know it's too late._

 

 **Nico:**   _I don't think it's a bad idea if Maki is lonely..._

 

Maki narrowed her eyes as she read that message several times.  Her idol senses were tingling.  Nico was up to something, she was being purposely vague.

 

 _Careful now._  

 

Maki decided it was time to try a little push.

 

 **Maki:** _Well come over then._

Or a hard shove.

 

The screen immediately lit up to show an impending message.

 

 **Nico:** _Good because I'm already here._

 

A series of sharp knocks from the front door reverberated throughout the house.

 

Maki froze.  

 

_You played with fire.  What did you expect?_

Then the doorbell started ringing incessantly.

 

_Impatient, remember?_

Maki jumped to her feet and ran into the hallway.  She stopped suddenly, a flutter of panic stoked the worst-case scenarios that were popping up in her mind...

 

Her parents coming home early.  Just one of them coming home early.  The other one coming home early.  Nico's mother somehow coming home, which was now here, early.  Nozomi coming home early, with a camera.  All of the girls coming home early.  Everyone just being here, early.

 

That her parents came home and they _just knew._

 

What would they do?  What would happen?  To her?  To Nico?  To them?

 

Despite this Maki set off towards the front door at a quick pace, perhaps in pursuit of the one person who could calm her nerves now, even she was the one who had set them off (a staple of their relationship, she would note at an unspecified later date). 

 

Or perhaps just to stop that door bell.  Which was beginning to sound more like an air-raid siren reverberating inside her skull.  Trust Nico to inadvertently create the perfect soundtrack to her panic attack.

 

Maki ran down the main staircase to the front door.  She stopped suddenly.

 

If she opened this door then that was it.

 

Not that there were too many other options at this point but...  This was the last place that Maki had to herself, her last refuge.  If she let Nico in now that was it.

 

Maki grasped the door handle tightly.

 

She remembered Nico asking her to come over on the train for the first (proper) time.  Meeting Nico's family.  Being in Nico's room.  Lying in bed with Nico.

 

_You have to start somewhere._

 

...Nico.  And that goddamn door bell.

 

She opened the door.

 

Nico, wrapped up in at least three coats, immediately barged inside past her. 

 

"Do you know how cold it was out there?  God, take your time why don't ya?"  Nico paused and looked around the entrance hall.  "Swanky place...  Anyway, did you want to Nico to _freeze to death_?"  She asked, suddenly wide-eyed and shaking.

 

It was a tempting proposition.

 

"Well?  You're not a very gracious host, Maki-chan.  But what did Nico expect?"  She shook her head with a weary smile.

 

Maki could only stare in dismay.  Such profound reveries about _this girl_ just moments ago.

 

Then it struck her.

 

"How do you know where I live?"  Maki demanded.

 

Nico, who was in the process of shedding her coats, glanced at her.  "Hush, Maki.  It's Nico."  She dismissed her with another shake of her head.

 

That explained everything, Maki supposed.

 

********************

 

\- **9:00 PM** **-**

After catching Nico, who had buzzed around the house exploring for several minutes after arriving, Maki had led her back to her mother's study.

 

It was around then that Maki realized that she wasn't sure what to do.  It wasn't like she'd ever had friends over besides a brief visit once in a blue moon.  And certainly no one quite like Nico. 

 

Perhaps it was just a shock to actually see her here, a scene that would have been a person out of place a few months ago.  Unthinkable once, now...

 

Nico had made just enough of a showy effort tonight without letting on, Maki knew enough about her to see the subtle signs.  She had her hair up, styled very precisely in her trademark twin-tails, tied with dark red frilly ribbons Maki had never seen before.  She wore a form-fitting dress that was a very faint shade somewhere between pink and white, belted at the waist and cut a little above the knee.

 

Maki felt lazy in comparison in an old skirt and T-shirt.  It heightened the creep of unease up her spine.  Had she missed something in own message?  Or was this an unspoken rule of engagement she didn't know?

 

And should she be doing something?  Anything?  Drinks?  Drinks seemed like a good idea...  but what then?  What came after drinks!? 

 

As Maki sat at the piano desperately trying to put her thoughts in order, Nico poked around the room inspecting it's contents, drawing conclusions on it regular occupants.

 

She came to the instruments last, plucking an acoustic guitar down from the wall. 

 

Distracted from her earlier conundrum, Maki watched as Nico examined the guitar. 

 

She remembered there had been one in Nico's room, cheap and battered but well-travelled compared to the delicate rosewood Nico was now holding. 

 

When she had enquired about it Nico had told that it had been her mother's.  Apparently Mrs. Yazawa had been rather good in her youth and Nico seemed to be making an effort to emulate her mother.

 

Actually, since they had started...  Dating?  Dating.  Since then Nico had shown quite an interest in Maki's work, forever probing with questions about scales, tempo and other technicalities.  Maybe it wasn't common ground exactly but Maki found that it was pleasant to share an interest.

 

"Is it okay to touch this?"  Nico asked

 

"It's rather too late for that."  Maki remarked, watching as Nico sat down with the guitar in her lap.

 

Ignoring her, Nico started to fiddle with the guitar, tuning a few of the strings back and forth.

 

"Do you want to start writing songs?"  Maki asked.

 

"Maybe.  Mama says I don't have the attention span for it." 

 

"I'll say."  Maki replied before she could stop herself.

 

Nico shot her a dirty look and then went back to the guitar, strumming out a few gentle chords. 

 

"Anyway, I suppose I'd just like to learn.  I've been working on my singing and I feel like I'm getting some of the harder stuff, like understanding my voice as an instrument.  But even if I can't do a lot with proper instruments I'd still like to understand what someone is doing for me when I'm performing their song.  Like...  Understand the language, the heart of the music."

 

Maki was taken aback and perhaps, _perhaps,_ just a little bit impressed.

 

Nico played a few more bars of a pop song that Maki vaguely recognized. 

 

"How do you think about it?"  Nico asked.

 

"Songwriting?"

 

"Yeah.  Mama said she used to think of it in shapes.  Like each sound was a shape and she was building a song."

 

"I suppose it's subjective.  Everyone has a different image in their mind."

 

"Do you think of people sometimes?  Like me?"  Nico asked, innocently enough. 

 

"That's when I go out of tune."  Maki replied.

 

"That's when you write the sweetest songs."  Nico corrected.

 

"Gross."

 

Nico snickered.  "So what were you working on tonight?"

 

Maki sighed and looked down at the piano keys.

 

"Do you want to listen?  You've heard it before."

 

"Of course.  Let Nico cast her critical eyes over your work."

 

Maki rolled her eyes.  "Critical _eye._ "  She corrected.

 

"Whatever.  It had better be good."  Nico pouted.

 

Maki chuckled and started to play.

 

But only a few moments past before she found it hard to focus.  She kept look up at Nico, who was watching her.  Oddly, compared to her earlier words, her face was blank. 

 

It bothered Maki, she seemed to be waiting for something every time she met Nico's eyes.   

 

The notes became disjointed, like she was playing a parody of her own music.  It reverted into something else.  Another day, another time...

 

But it was the here and now that mattered.  Nico was here.  A part of Maki knew why, even if she had only just clicked.

 

_Parents gone for the weekend?  Home all alone?  Subtle stuff, Nishikino._

 

Even if she hadn't been conscious of it, it was an act hinted at in every touch and look.  Something they had both been aware of now for sometime but were waiting for the other to admit it.

 

 _You'd rather be playing something other than this piano, wouldn't you?_  

 

The scent of her own lust was a lingering odour, it became harder to bury it under reason and rational.  Other times it was the principles of her relationship; she didn't _like_ to objectify Nico or _just_ think of her in a physical way, but she couldn't tame her imagination... 

 

Nico's bare neck, the vibrations you could feel as she moaned when kissed there.

 

Her slender legs that she stretched before working out.

 

Her hair and how it haunted Maki's touch.  A texture she couldn't compare but could never forget. 

 

Her waist, how shapely it felt in Maki's hands, like it _fitted_.  She could turn Nico this way or that, manoeuvre her...

 

She felt like a child grasping out towards a shining object.  She tried to reject the hints of desire but her body _wanted_ them more than her mind could deny it.  The drive and thrill of it made her mind bend to somewhere she hadn't been before.

 

A favourite to recall was the night she had stayed over Nico's.  When she had showered there and the thought had crept up on her.  That if she turned around and looked through the screen door she would see Nico's silhouette...  And then, the next time she looked, Nico would be right there, eyes devouring her and hands roaming...

 

The _want..._

 

Maki stumbled on a few keys when she realized that Nico had moved to the piano bench, sitting next to her, staring intently at the keys as if trying to pick out something.

 

The reason, a suspicion...  Maybe confirming an intention as to why Maki had invited Nico here.  Because here, Maki couldn't run away, she couldn't make any excuses.

 

"There."  Nico said suddenly.

 

Maki's hands froze while Nico's weaved between, feeling for something.

 

"This note...  You've changed this section, haven't you?"  She asked.

 

Startled, Maki took a few moments to consider the key Nico was indicating to.  It was part of a natural chord progression she had re-structured.

 

"Yeah."

 

"There used to be something here that bothered me.  But now I'm not sure."  Nico said in puzzlement.

 

Maki tried to remember when she had made the change and why.  Had it just been earlier this evening?  Had she even changed it at all?  Now she was starting to doubt it.

 

Then Nico shrugged.  "Well, it's better.  Still not quite up to Nico-approved standards.  I think that it's just you."

 

"What does that mean?"  Maki replied, trying to quell the irritation that was rising.

 

"It's like..."  Nico turned to study Maki.  "You feel different.  You used to be made of stone but Nico's kiss has brought you back to life.  Now you sound different when you play."  She gave Maki a playful kiss of the cheek before being warded off.

 

"No.  That's not it."  Maki was sceptical to say the least.

 

Nico didn't say anything else, just sat there with a small smile simmering on her lips.

 

Maki sighed and then started to play again.

 

Maki honestly wasn't sure if Nico meant anything.  She was probably just playing a joke on her.  It was harmless, she knew she shouldn't take it to heart.

 

Besides, Nico had her place in this but Maki was the one composing, trying to say something, even if she didn't know quite what yet. 

 

She would grind it out eventually.  There just hadn't been the time.

 

Sometimes she would play compositions in progress for her mother here for feedback.  That was probably the thing to do...  but she hadn't played her this one though, not yet. 

 

_Maybe you're afraid or giving something away..._

 

Like everything.  Like tonight.

 

What would her parents think if they walked in right now?  If they glimpsed into her cascade of secrets?

 

Her fingers felt heavy, her arms leaden.  She had been at this for too long.

 

Perhaps it was the only thing holding her in check from the consequences she tried to ignore as they cast a shadow on her romance with Nico.

 

The notes were slipping away.  It was her.  She just had to _play this out_.

 

Would they expect her to trade the affections of her girlfriend for the acceptance of her parents?  Would they just...  _Say no_.

 

If she could just play this song, if she could just finish it then maybe that would... 

 

She pushed everything she had left into the ivory and black.

 

"Maki."

 

Maki came to an abrupt halt.  She shuddered as if to start again but couldn't.

 

She realized that Nico was holding onto her, hands on her wrists.

 

There was blood on her own nails.

 

She turned to find Nico's eyes wide with concern.  "Are you okay?"  She asked.

 

"Y-yeah.  I'm just frustrated.  It's...  Just not there."

 

"We'll figure it out."  She said as if it was _their_ problem.

 

Maki found herself waiting for the usual admonishment; 'don't get so worked up' or something or that ilk.

 

But there was silence.

 

When she met Nico's eyes again she realized  it was because Nico was someone who _did_ get worked up, who _did_ care and wasn't afraid to show it, to let it affect her.

 

She found herself smiling despite herself, frustrations beginning to fizzle away.

 

"Sure.  Maybe we should take a break."

 

"Let Nico take care of you."

 

And who could turn that down?

 

*********************

 

 **-** **10:00 PM** **-**

 

True to her offer, Nico was making them pasta for supper.  Maki watched her from her perch on one of the kitchen counters. 

 

She would reach out and try catch Nico whenever she passed by, looking for this or that.  She would try to swerve or swat her away but Maki could tell that she was enjoying the attention.  And Maki's curious hands, as Nico labelled them.

 

Idly she wondered if her parents would notice that someone had cooked in their absence or the missing ingredients.  They certainly wouldn't believe it was their ready-meal friendly daughter.

 

Still, that was a problem for tomorrow Maki, the new, improved and rebellious Nishikino daughter.  What mysterious act of domesticity would she inspire next?  What had happened to their self-contained little girl, they would wonder.

 

Maki managed to catch Nico, pulling her back and kissing her neck before viciously ticking her ribs.  Nico half-moaned before squealing and ducking out of her tormentor's grasp.  She glanced back over her shoulder, waving a wooden spoon in a menacing manner.

 

"Nico's going to have to teach you lesson if you keep this up."  She threatened.

 

"Please."  Maki replied, straight-faced.

 

Nico shook her head, though there was a playful glint in her eye, before turning back to the cooker. 

 

Maki knew she getting drunk on having Nico nearby, here of all places, all to herself.  Her cheeks were flush with her boldness and she had a growing itch for the pint-sized self-proclaimed super idol.

 

She watched as Nico dipped the wooden spoon into the sauce she was cooking for a test taste.  It passed.  She smacked her lips and half-turned to give Maki a wink that set something off inside.

 

"Come here."  Maki could feel her voice, so low, reverberate and rumble through her diaphragm.

 

"Why?"  Nico drew the word out impossibly, her eyes giving Maki the up-and-down.

 

"Maki is usually so shy."  She mouthed each word so slowly.  Maki could see her tongue twisting and turning on each syllable.

 

" _Come here._ "  Maki repeated.

 

She had never felt this way, there was a burning between her thighs but the rest of her body convulsed between extreme tenderness and a rigid hardness.  Her breathing had slowed but she could _hear_ her heart racing.

 

"What does Maki _want?"_

 

"You."

 

"But the food's nearly ready."  Nico threw a coy look back over her shoulder at the cooker, pausing in her approach.

 

"Now."  Maki almost cracked.

 

Nico crashed into her suddenly and Maki felt it like a wave roaring over her, the surf threatening to drown her for just a moment before her lungs caught onto Nico's lips, gasping at their sweetness.   

 

Nico's hands were everywhere at once.  Maki almost went limp, consumed in Nico's grasp. 

 

Had she really been wound up for so long?  How many days had been spent in this state of waiting?  How could she have focused on anything else but this when it consumed her so?

 

Like she had once before, Nico grabbed Maki's hands and planted them on her waist.

 

Nico felt _wonderful._   She was soft but firm.  Lithe but full in her palms.

 

She didn't want to let go, she wanted to reach out and pull it all in.  Every part of Nico, every sense of texture, the landscape of her body as explored by her hands.

 

But typical of a young lover, Maki had the sudden heart-stopping realization that she didn't quite know what she was doing, and even worse, she definitely didn't know what to do next.

 

Anyone else would just let Nico take the lead, but call it pride, Maki _needed to act_. 

 

Perhaps sensing her partner's sudden hesitation, Nico met her gaze, her lips still caught on the corner of Maki's mouth.

 

"What?"  She murmured.  "Scared?"

 

Even now she could make Maki burn with indignation.

 

But then, had Nico ever really gone further?  She had a girlfriend before Maki ( _Kimiko_ , Maki had eventually pried her name from Nico) but...

 

"Have you..."  Should she really be asking this now?  It wasn't about the other girl, or what they had done, it was...  About where they stood now...

 

...Or maybe, if Maki was being honest, she just didn't want to fuck this up.  She wanted it to be _right_ and she didn't care if that was being naive.

 

"...Before...  With her..."

 

"No."  Nico kissed the answer into her lips, imprinting it.

 

A ping from a timer sounded across the kitchen and Nico hopped back suddenly.

 

"God-fucking-damn it!"  Maki half-screamed.

 

Nico was aghast at the outburst, waggling a finger at her.

 

"Nico didn't slave over this meal for you to ignore it."

Maki's mouth felt so dry, full of sand from silk only moments ago.

 

"Nico..."  She whined, pressing her face into her hands.

 

"We've got all night, Maki-chan...  And Nico is always worth the wait."  With that she turned and swayed back over to the cooker, humming a tune.

 

_Playing with fire.  Should have seen it coming._

 

********************

 

 **-** **11:00 PM** **-**

 

Maki sank into the sheets while watching Nico inspect her room with a frenzied curiosity.

 

It was comparatively vast compared to hers but Nico didn't bring it up, much to Maki's relief.  

 

"You listen to these old-timey vinyls."  Nico noted.

 

"Records.  A record."  Maki clarified.  "It's how you listen to real music."

 

Maki was pleasantly full.  Despite the timing of the meal, it had been excellent.  She sighed contently, sailing away on a wave of drowsiness.

 

"Maybe in the 20s."

 

"Maybe right now."  Maki replied, too comfortable to really rise to the bait.

 

Nico pulled a face, or so Maki guessed.  Her eyes were closed.

 

"You wouldn't know how to put one on anyway."  She whispered.

 

"It's a lost art."  Nico sniggered, moving on.

 

Nico didn't say anything for a few minutes, that always put Maki on edge.

 

She could hear something, Nico rummaging through a draw..?

 

Maki grudgingly opened her eyes and peered across the room to where Nico was indeed digging through...

 

"Hey!"  Maki snapped.

 

"Some of these are really cute.  You could treat Nico every now and again, you know?"  Nico replied, holding up a lacy black bra as she strolled over to the bed.

 

"Gross."  Maki stuck her tongue out.

 

"Mmmmm...  That's two I've got out of you tonight.  I was beginning to think that I'd lost my touch."  Nico crawled onto the bed, laying on her side, next to Maki.

 

Maki could feel the blush burn her face ever so slightly.  Nico always twisted and turned her like this.

 

"Don't you want to see mine?  I suppose it's only fair."  The words teased her ear.

 

Maki gulped and slowly turned to Nico, her heart thumping.

 

Nico fingered the strap of her dress, tipping it off of her shoulder before moving onto the other. 

 

She met Maki's gaze with a cool smile as she slowly pulled the dress down, revealing a pink bra.

 

"See.  It's nice to get a treat."

 

Her body told her that this was progressing beyond the stage where secrets could be kept.

 

_What the fuck are you going to do?_

She didn't want to Nico to leave.  If her mind had be trying to hide it her body had made her desire plain. 

 

Each palpitation of her heart beat harder against her ribs.  Ticking down, soon it was going to burst.

 

She reached out and snatched Nico's hand, unaware of how hard her grip was until she saw Nico wince.

 

"Do you care if people know...  About us?  I mean _everyone_."  The desperation poured out of her mouth.

 

"I care about you..."  Nico looked her way but she was looking through her.

"No.  Nico _,_ _do_ _you_?"  Maki needed to hear it.

 

Nico's eyes closed.

 

When they opened her face screwed up, resembling that brash infuriating idol brat that Maki knew so well for just a moment. 

 

Then it changed, a type of fury and dignity that Maki had never seen Nico wear before.

 

"I don't care what anyone thinks.  Or does.  Or what they say or think.  I don't care!  _I don't care!_ "  Nico's voice rose as she went on.  "I'm the #1 idol in the universe and I-I..."

 

Her eyes were so wide, so intense.  Maki felt herself falling into them, weightless as she fell between the lines of crimson and onyx.

 

Something deep was waiting for her at the bottom.

 

Her lungs were full when the impact came.

 

"...Love you."

 

Just a whisper.  Nico was on top of her, pinning her wrists down.

 

Fierce, bordering on feral.  Maki could feel it in the way her body pressed down upon her.

 

"So...  That's it..."

 

The question was there, unasked.  A request for validation.  Maki could see it in her eyes. 

 

She had seen that look before in glimpses, but now she realized that she had misunderstood.  It wasn't weakness, just the truth, framed in a moment.  Now it was here out in the open.

 

In her heart of hearts Maki knew she felt the same.  She had spent her life withdrawn and calloused to honesty.  Cold and formidable when the music she played was desperation.

 

When she had shared Nico's bed she had fallen asleep to irrevocable knowledge that she had changed and was changing. 

 

And here it was again, looking her right in the eye, waiting for her to say _yes_.  And mean it.

 

" _I need you_." 

 

And Maki did mean it.

 

A tear spilled down Nico's cheek but Maki's thumb caught it, pressing it into her skin.

 

"I'm really afraid."  She said aloud, for the first time in her life.  "I don't know what's going to happen but I don't want to let you go.  I won't."

 

Maki pulled her down, their bodies crushed together.

 

It felt like finding a piece of herself that had been kept apart until now. 

 

Perhaps it was what had been missing when she sat down at the piano last summer.

 

It made her smile against Nico's lips, as finally her mind, along with her body gave into her lust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a little bit longer. Just one more short chapter to come, probably in the next few days.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading.


	10. Melodies & Desires

Her body felt sore.  Satisfied.  A warmth, deep down between her lungs.

 

Maki wasn't keen on waking up but there was a rustling, at first next to her and then all around.

 

She stretched her arms out above, hitting something or _someone_ in the process.

 

There was an undignified yelp and then a weight descended upon her chest.

 

"Looks like I taught you a new dance last night."

 

"Mmmmmmm...  Wha..?"  Maki murmured.

 

 "I said, it looks like I taught you a new dance last night."

 

"What was that?"  She was trying to keep the smile from playing across her face.

 

"I taught you a...  Oh, forget it!  Very funny."  That oh-so familiar sulking tone pressed into her ear.

 

"Good one, coach."  Maki laughed.  Fingers dug in-between her ribs, it only made it worse.  She was helpless. 

 

Nico's hair spilled across her face as she loomed above.  The tip of a strand tickled the skin just beneath her eyes.

 

"Mmmmaaaaakkkkkkiiiiii."  Nico whined petulantly, sitting up.

 

Maki opened her eyes and just...

 

"Stop picking on poor Nico.  She is far too refined for your brand of...  _Bullying_.  It isn't fair _._ "

 

"Can't...  Too much fun." 

 

Maki stretched her arms out again, reaching beyond Nico and then sudden bringing them back down and Nico with them.

 

She squirmed and pushed while whining, moaning and groaning every second of trying to escape Maki's grasp.

 

"Get off!"

 

She sounded so happy, Maki thought.  Fresh laughter rippled across her lips.

 

"Never."  Maki whispered.

 

_Never..._

Her arms locked instinctively.  And for a wonderful moment Nico stopped resisting, she was just sinking into Maki.

 

Then she spoke...

 

_...Oh Nico..._

...In that sing-song way she had, all cuteness with barbs not too far behind.

 

"Maki-chan must really be _in love_ with Nico now.  _But_... she forgot that Nico Nico-Ni isn't _just_ for her #1 fan, she's for everyone.  Talk about awkward.  Luckily Nico is very tactful, not to mention graceful, so Nico will...

 

"Okay, okay.  Shut up."  Maki snapped.

 

"How rude and unbecoming.  _That_ will have to stop and Nico will help..."

 

Maki kissed her.  She savoured the silence as an afterthought.

 

_Well, that works._

When their lips parted Nico rolled onto her side, looping her arms around Maki's, gleaming with a smug smile that made Maki think she hadn't _really_ shut Nico up at all.

 

Maki glanced over the side of the bed to where all of their clothes had been carelessly tossed.  It reminded her that _she was nude, in her bed, with another person_. 

 

She was suddenly very aware of the way Nico's forearm was brushing against her breast.  She blushed uncontrollably, feeling all of Nico against her. 

 

Nico cooed at her reaction, pecking her on the cheek.

 

Maki could feel something under her thigh.  Thankful for the distraction, she reached under the covers and pulled it out.  A ribbon, one of Nico's.

 

When she looked down at the floor again she realised there were several of different colours scattered about, pouring out of Nico's bag.

 

She held the ribbon up and then gestured to the others.

 

"Bring spares?"  She asked, bemused.

 

Nico nodded enthusiastically  "Of course.  Nico is always prepared.  She wanted to read the mood as well."

 

Nico shuffled over and placed her head on Maki's chest.  It sent all kinds of jolts travailing out over her skin.

 

"How long do we have?"  Nico asked.

 

"How long?"

 

"I should go soon...  Right?"

 

"No."

 

Maki said it before she even considered the full extent of the question.  The potential consequences began to play out in her mind but she stood firm.

 

"No."  She reaffirmed.

 

"Really?"

 

"I meant what I said last night."

 

Suddenly Nico's face was so close, as if observing her for any sign that she was lying.  Looking for a tell-tale sign she had seen on someone before.

 

Maki didn't have to say or do anything.  She realized in that moment that just her conviction was enough.

 

"Nico thinks..."  She hesitated. 

 

She actually looked around the room as if to ascertain they were alone and then leaned in, whispering into Maki's ear.  

 

"I think you're the most...  I think...  I'm...  your #1 fan..."

 

Something about Nico's voice in her ear like that.  Something clicked...  She almost missed what was actually said. 

 

Maki almost choked.

 

Nico pulled back, leaning against the headrest, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.  _Waiting_.

 

"I'm...  What..?"

 

"Shush."  Nico snapped immediately, glaring at her before turning back to continue staring a hole through the far wall.

 

"I don't know what to say..."

 

"Then don't."

 

Maki pinched her own cheek and chuckled in disbelief.

 

"No one will ever believe you if you tell them."  Nico retorted.

 

"You will."  Maki couldn't keep it in.

 

It was too much.  Nico wilted immediately, laying down and turning away.

 

Maki reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder and shaking her lightly.

 

"Hey, at least it means you have good taste."

 

Nico grabbed a pillow and pressed it down over her head, trying to block Maki out.

 

Maki started to laugh uncontrollably.  She tried to pull the pillow away but Nico held on, seemingly for dear life.

 

Now Maki _had_ to see her.

 

"Do you want my autograph?"  She couldn't stop.  "I might have some μ's photos around here somewhere."

 

" _Shut up_!"  Nico screamed, muffled by the pillow she was ensconced in.

 

Maki reached for her ribs and Nico immediately began to shuffle and bounce in an attempt to escape her tormentor.

 

"I hate you!"  She shouted between gasps of barely concealed laughter.

 

Maki brought them together again, arms wrapped around Nico to trap her.

 

"Well, we both know that I'm _your_ #1 fan.  And your apprentice.  So I'd say you're still in the lead."  Maki murmured in her ear.

 

Nico was pouting but Maki could see the corners of her mouth twitch, desperately holding back a grin.

 

"O-of course."  Nico whispered back.  "Nico is always on top."  With that she turned to give Maki and gave a sly wink.

 

Maki pressed her face into Nico shoulder, laughter escaping her lips in barely concealed bursts.  "Okay, sure."  She managed after a few moments.

 

When she looked up and met Nico's gaze she felt her heart flutter.  She began to think that maybe this was it, what had been missing before.

 

"Let's get dressed.  I want to try something."  She said.

 

*******************

 

Maki ran her fingers along the keys as Nico bundled in alongside her at the piano, dressing an oversized T-shirt borrowed from Maki.

 

She took a deep breath and thought back over the last day of her life.  There was a moment she needed somewhere.  She was sure. 

 

The looks, the touches, the words.  They all played out around the edge of her consciousness.

 

She started to play again...

 

And it sounded _fine_.  But still not what it was _meant_ to be.

 

"There.  It's there."  Nico touched Maki's right hand lightly.

 

Maki stopped.  She turned to look at Nico.

 

"You really think so?"

 

Nico nodded.  She seemed so sure.

 

"Why?"

 

"Somewhere around this part.  Just a feeling...  That you're missing something."

 

"You think I should just drop a few notes?  I'd have to change or..."

 

Nico interrupted her with a kiss.

 

"Stop making excuses."

 

Maki raised an eyebrow but held her tongue.

 

"You always look...  Like you're trying too hard around that part.  Like you don't want to play it."

 

"What?"

 

Nico leaned in, encircling Maki's arm with her own.  She kissed her bare shoulder.

 

"Maybe you're not ready to play it yet."

 

Maki's eyes narrowed as she detected the faintest hint of mockery.

 

"It doesn't work like that."

 

"Sure it does."

 

_Infuriating._

 

"It's just needs some revision."

 

"Nico is telling you, that's not the problem.  You should listen to her.  When the moment's right, you'll figure it out.  Maybe one day, when you look into the eyes of your idol it'll take shape.  Just when you need it to impress Nico the most."

 

Maki could feel her teeth begin to grind.  She glanced at Nico, who was snuggling into her side.

 

It seemed like an impossible argument.

 

" _My_ idol?  I thought you were for everyone?"

 

"Nico can make exceptions sometimes."  Nico murmured, closing her eyes.

 

Maki sat there for a time as Nico drifted off, her soft snoring tickling her ear.

 

She looked around the room.  Cold sunlight filtered in through the large windows, highlighting memories long since forgotten...

 

A year or two ago, sitting at this piano she had once played her mother's favourite Chopin piece while she worked, Berceuse. 

 

Her mother had always played it better.  Maki had never quite got the feel right.  She was technically proficient but the nature of the lullaby escaped her.

 

As she had finished playing her mother had stood up from her desk and walked over to the piano.  Something about the way her mother had looked at her... 

 

She had asked if Maki really wanted to be a doctor.

 

It was almost casual in the way she voiced it but after taking her future for granted for so long Maki had felt uneasy considering the full weigh of the question.

 

Like a prisoner who had seen the sky beyond the bars of their cell, she had yearned for a freedom she had never believed in or even fully understood.  But that question had suddenly left the cell-door ajar.

 

Did she take the risk or just continue to look beyond the bars?

 

But back then it hasn't seemed like much of a choice in the moment.

 

She hadn't answered or maybe she had brushed it off. 

 

Perhaps it was just painful to _really_ consider the question, like opening an old wound long since stitched up.  Pull one of those threads too hard and she would unravel.

 

So her mother had pulled another thread altogether.  She asked Maki: _Are you happy?_

And Maki had...  She just started playing Berceuse again, because then she was happy.  And this time it was how she had always wanted it to sound, just like when her mother used to play it for her.

 

Maybe Maki had drifted off herself.  A sound awoke her. 

 

It was the front door and that meant only one thing.

 

"Nico, wake up."

 

"Wha..?"

 

"My parents are home."

 

Maki could see the panic begin to swell in Nico's eyes.  She could feel it as well.

 

"Do you want me to hide...  Or sneak out?"  Nico whispered.

 

That seemed logical.  A Maki-made suggestion.

 

But Maki didn't do or say anything.  Just looked deep into Nico's eyes until she could make out her own reflection there.

 

"Maki..."

 

"No."  Maki finally answered.

 

"Then...  What are we going to do?"

 

Maki's lips played out a smile that came out from somewhere deep within. 

 

Maybe it came from a few years ago, when her mother had at least tried to ask her daughter a serious question.

 

Or maybe it came from somewhere amongst the last few months, an cold autumn morning in a park or a train ride to somewhere special.

 

Maki wasn't sure.  But now she knew, felt those moments deep inside.

 

It wasn't so much about missing something as finding it for the first time.

 

She felt Nico's hand in her own, warm and soothing. 

 

She braced herself and took a deep breath. 

 

She let go.

 

Her fingers fell upon the piano keys.  Now seemed as good a time as any.

 

So she started to play the song again.

 

And this time it sounded just the way she wanted it to.  Just how she felt after her first kiss.  As she fell asleep in someone's arms for the first time.  When she had been honest with the person she valued most.

 

Just the way it was meant to sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that.
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who has read this, your support and kind words have been much appreciated.
> 
> Apologies for any hilarious grammar errors you may find throughout this. Sometimes I think I leave them in for the LOLs but I will iron them all out eventually.
> 
> Not sure what's next yet. I might take some of the other characters that appear here and show their side of events and how things intersect. Mayhap a KotoUmi or NozoEli.
> 
> I want to try to do something with Nico again in the future as well. I really enjoyed writing her character, though as work on this progressed I knew this was Maki's story really (I was always a little annoyed that she got such a short-shift in the show). Still, can't keep Nico down for long. 
> 
> Cheers!


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